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You’d think with so much inventory in New York City it would be easy to find someone to date. But in reality it’s as complicated as the city’s subway system or finding a non-walk-up apartment. Along the way, you’ll discover that the men you flirt and fling with start falling into certain categories. Not just top, bottom and vers, but more social distinctions that quickly make you aware labels aren’t just for the clothes we wear on our backs.
We’re not saying these 12 archetypes of guy are the only men you’ll find in New York City, but they’re examples of gay men you’re sure to discover on your journey searching for the one. Take a look for yourself and see if we’re onto something.
Here are the 12 types of gay guy you’ll meet while sleeping around in the city that never sleeps.
1. The Prep
He’s your standard, off-the-shelf gay. He works in finance or advertising, makes good money, gets his haircut daily and thinks Lululemon yoga shorts are an appropriate outfit for brunch. He’s still “with her,” and he’ll never do drag but thinks he knows everything about the art form because he watches Drag Race. Just sit next to him on your way to The Pines for the weekend and you’ll get an earful. On Sundays, he’s busy taking group pics with his kickball team and day-drinking before show tunes, where he impresses everyone with his knowledge of the Sister Act soundtrack. When sober, he’s that judgy gay in the corner who whispers. His apartment smells like Yankee Candles — all of them.
Famous prep: Lance Bass
Listens to: Carly Rae Jepsen
His bar: Boxers HK
His gym: Barry’s Bootcamp
2. The Drag Queen
Famous or local, you’re gonna have to get used to living in her shadow. Whether signing autographs at meet-and-greets or filming Facebook Live makeup tutorials, she puts her persona before the needs of her man, so expect to come in third. But the bonuses are fab (free drink tickets!) and she does really love you, even if she loves those 15 minutes of fame more. Her apartment smells like Sugarpill cosmetics and baby powder.
Famous drag queen: Alaska Thunderfuck
Listens to: Ariana Grande, Little Mix
His bar: Therapy
His gym: Performing nightly in heels is workout enough
3. The Kinkster
A harness is like his second skin, and no matter where you are he’s in a jockstrap before you know it. On a Friday night you can find him dancing in the basement of The Cock. “BB” doesn’t stand for Big Brother in his world, and he’s a proud pusher of PrEP. His Instagram followers have been growing ever since he started showing off his furry bare buns, and this guy’s apartment reeks of poppers on the regular.
Famous kinkster: Adam Lambert
Listens to: Beyoncé
His bar: The Eagle
His gym: Blink
4. The Daddy
The love of his life is behind him, and now he’s ready to have some fun with you. He’s willing to treat you to expensive dinners and buy your airfare to Cabo for the weekend, but there’s no cash trading hands here. If you’re a good boy he’ll also buy you quality drugs; just make sure you don’t indulge too much. He’s sowing his wild oats with you in a lot of ways and is possibly using you as a way to bring your even cuter friend home for group fun. His apartment smells like money.
Famous Daddies: David Geffen, Calvin Klein
Listens to: Donna Summer
His bar: TownHouse
His gym: Equinox
5. The Bisexual
He’s not confused about his sexuality and knows exactly what he likes. You find his confidence super attractive, but you’re even more turned on by the fact that he likes women but is choosing to be with you — so much so that you imagine him having sex with women more than him having sex with you. His apartment smells like Old Spice.
Famous bisexual: Nico Tortorella
Listens to: The Killers
His bar: Alphaville
His gym: New York Sports Club
6. The Lana Del Rey Stan
His profile name is “Lust4Life,” and the season of fall was invented for this person. His home — in an upcoming neighborhood at the forefront of gentrification, like Bushwick — is covered in succulents. He wears flower crowns when he’s feeling particularly obnoxious. He recently went from working as a barista at a fair trade coffee joint to Urban Outfitters’ corporate offices in New York’s sixth borough, Philadelphia. There, he’s in charge of buying wall weavings. He takes to social media to complain about his new job. When you try to tell him Twitter and Snapchat may not be the best place for his venting, he protests that he “needs to express himself.” His apartment smells like amber, teakwood, coffee beans and musk.
Famous Lana Del Rey stan: Troye Sivan
Listens to: Lana Del Rey and Lana Del Rey only
His bar: Rosemont
Gym: Biking around Brooklyn. And Bikram.
7. The Mess
He doesn’t have his shit together, which is probably why you like him so much. He’s notorious for ghosting for days and then drunk-dials you at 3 a.m. to meet him at his favorite watering hole in Williamsburg after he just went to a ’70s disco-themed work party. You meet him, only to find him in an afro wig and kitten heels fighting with a cab driver after he failed to pay up. The headache is most often not worth it, and we’re not even talking about this guy’s hangover the next day. His apartment smells like Fireball.
Famous mess: Justin Bieber
Listens to: Lady Gaga
His bar: Macri Park
His gym: Yeah, right.
8. The One in an Open Relationship
He claims he’s happy in his relationship, so why is he constantly coming to you for rooftop hangs and afternoon sex? His boyfriend knows all about you, but you’re not sure the BF is OK with you. You three started with group sex, but soon after it became one-on-one. You’re having trouble seeing other people because you’ve developed such strong feelings for this person, even though you’re not allowed to have sleepovers because that would be breaking the rules. His apartment smells like clean laundry.
Famous open relationship: George Michael
Listens to: Norah Jones, Diana Krall
His bar: Pieces
His gym: Crunch
9. The Activist
On a Sunday, this SJW can be found volunteering, or at a protest instead of brunch. He voted for Bernie during the primaries and then wrote in RuPaul on election day because he drank the juice Susan Sarandon was serving. Politically correct at all times, you wonder if you can ever let loose around him and make a joke at the expense of a more marginalized group than yourself. The answer: you can’t. Your woke partner is so woke he only reads Teen Vogue. Oh, he also prefers to go by “they,” because gender is such a failed construct. His apartment smells like incense and weed.
Famous activist: Frank Ocean
Listens to: NPR and Solange
His bar: Julius
His gym: Naked yoga
10. The Republican
This self-loathing monster reads Breitbart as much as you read the Bloomingdales catalog. You thought you were being open-minded by looking past his despicable political views, but when that copy of Dangerous comes in the mail, you’ll finally realize enough is enough. Log Cabins are hard to fix up anyway. The sex was good because he liked being dominated and you loved covering his face with a pillow. His apartment smells like the 1950s.
Famous Republican: Peter Thiel
Listens to: Taylor Swift
His bar: The Metropolitan Republican Club
His gym: New York Sports Club
11. The Influencer
You know you should’ve turned back when he asked you your Klout score, but like his 60K Instagram followers, you too fell in love with his smile. He uses the words explorer, curator, connector and traveler to describe what he does for a living, which honestly you still don’t really understand. He documents everything, including your morning dragon breath, and that’s painfully embarrassing. You just wish he could put the phone down for a second. Maybe then he’d see how much you love him … without a filter. His apartment smells like whatever thing he got for free to hock on social media.
Famous influencer: Max Emerson, Tyler Oakley
Listens to: Katy Perry
His gym: Crunch
12. The Geek
You never knew watching someone else play video games could be a hobby until you started dating him, but here you are. You would play Mass Effect with him, but he’s so intense that you usually end up in a fight, so you’re better off just watching. His comic book collection is massive, and his knowledge of Games of Thrones is intimidating. “BB” does stand for Big Brother is his world. Date night is a rarity, and when it does happen, it’s off to see the new Marvel movie (always Thursday at midnight). His apartment smells like kitty litter.
Famous geek: Jim Parsons
Listens to: They Might Be Giants
His bar: 9th Avenue Saloon
His gym: Asphalt Green