True fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race know that the same things basically happen every single season: queens cry, queens get drunk on Untucked, queens squabble and fauxpologize. The queens may change, but the drama stays the same.
So let’s prepare for this new season by recunting (typo and it stays!) 20 things that you just know are totally gonna happen.
1) “Nobody takes my kind of drag seriously, I’ve always had to defend…”
2) One of the eliminated queens will come back as a contestant.
3) A rift occurs between pretty queens and comedy queens or young queens and old queens.
4) A small group of besties forms and gets torn apart when the underdog finds herself (R.I.P. Rolaskatox)
5) “It’s time for a big girl to take the crown.” (R.I.P. Porkchop, Latrice Royale, Jiggly Caliente, Mimi Imfurst, Darienne Lake, Delta Work, Stacy Layne Matthews, and Ginger Minj)
6) “I don’t know how to sew.”
7) Shitty dress quickly hot-glued together (because gurl don’t know how to sew) falls apart.
8) We learn the emotional personal back story to a queen who is trailing, signaling her exit at the end of the episode.
9) A Snatch Game character gets second guessed by Ru Paul… is suddenly changed right before contestant appears on stage.
10) Contestant consistently wears a look, color or makeup that Michelle tells them repeatedly is garbage as if she’ll like it this time.
11) The mean girl, who everyone hates, makes it really far into the competition and is then RuVealed, during a tic-tac lunch with MaMa Ru, to have some sort of tear-jerker backstory that suddenly makes her human.
12) Someone cries onstage during the judging and comes out as HIV-positive, bisexual, an orphan, transgender or all four.
13) “I miss my family/significant other.” (Eyes roll)
14) Shade gets thrown at any contestants who attempt genderfuck.
15) RuPaul dramatically whispers ”Now sashay away” like she’s about to cry, but she’s totally not.
16) Queen who really should win and is marketable but not storyline-worthy enough gets let go early while a far inferior queen gets to stay on for drama’s sake.
17) Someone desperately does a jump-split (or, god forbid, removes their wig) during a Lip-synch for Your Life.
18) Contestant brags, “I should be great at this challenge since I have a background in singing/acting/dance.” She sucks ass in the challenge.
19) Ru asks the queens, “Which queen do you think deserves to be sent home?” Soon afterwards, the scapegoated girl says, “Everyone basically threw me under the bus.”
20) Parting contestant with underwhelmingly bad taste says, “I’m just proud that I went out staying true to myself.”