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Aaron Schock, The Marie Antoinette Of Congress, Resigns. Here’s Why… Politics

Aaron Schock, The Marie Antoinette Of Congress, Resigns. Here’s Why…

Written by Daniel Villarreal on March 27, 2017

Totally not gay Republican Illinois Representative Aaron Schock just announced his resignation amid growing ethical scandals. Here’s a quick run-down of the public ethical scandals he’s probably trying to avoid by resigning:

1. He accepted conspicuous donations from super-expensive furniture to having his office decorated like a room from Downton Abbey.

2. He took a mysterious “male companion” along on his business trip to India.

3. He took a private, taxpayer-funded flight to a Chicago Bears football game.

4. He has dishonestly charged the U.S. government for untraveled travel miles on his vehicle.

5. He used his office to conduct numerous sketchy real-estate deals.

6. He wore a turquoise belt with a magenta plaid shirt and white slacks while continuing to support anti-gay legislation. Because he’s straight.

Worry not! The Marie Antoinette Of Congress, as we shall now call him, will still receive a very public beheading and a likely cushy job after he’s done distancing himself from the national GOP. Grab your popcorn — it will be glorious.