Anal Expert Grandma Warns Civil Union Lawmakers: Exit Only!

Anal Expert Grandma Warns Civil Union Lawmakers: Exit Only!

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Rosina Kovar fancies herself something of an anal rockstar, if you will. How else can you explain the 76 year old grandmother sitting down before the Colorado State Senate to denounce the proposed civil union legislation armed with expert quips like, “Unlike the vagina nature put a tight sphincter at the entrance of the anus — it’s there for a reason. Keep out!”

Kovar goes so far as to quote Joseph Stalin, pillar of morality that he was, in her testimony, and draws imaginary links between teaching sex education to middle school students and…kicking a dog? I think?

The very best part is of course Kovar’s conclusion that one in four teens has a sexually transmitted disease because…of kindergartners being taught about gays? OK honestly, I have no clue what this woman is speaking about. I just like that she says “anus” so many times.

The “exit only” argument frankly is just ridiculous and I am always surprised to hear homophobes cite it as fact. What, are vaginas then entrance only? Do women not urinate, menstruate, and give birth from the same area of their bodies that penises, tampons, and those crazy Monostat eggs also enter? Do men and women alike not vomit from the same orifice that we ingest food?

I put contact lenses into my eyelids every morning, but aren’t our tear ducts also exit-only? Should I not be permitted to see clearly so that I can live in accordance with this fabricated exit-only moral doctrine? The very first time I received an STD test, the doctor pushed a cotton swab into my penis in order to test for bacteria. But the penis is exit-only! Should we not test and treat sexually transmitted diseases? Basically what I’m trying to say here is SHUT YOUR IGNORANT MOUTH, GRANDMA.

Let’s hear it for the anal expert grandmother, Rosina Kovar!

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