Archbishop Dolan: If Gays Marry, Can I Marry My Mom?

Archbishop Dolan: If Gays Marry, Can I Marry My Mom?

Be first to like this.
Translate this Story and earn Hornet Points!

gay blog, gay news, church excuses, marry my mom, gay marriage, definition of marriage

Archbishop Timothy Dolan’s sitdown with 60 Minutes is must see t.v. for those who love to watch men of the cloth come up with bullshit excuses for why gays are icky. Dolan forgoes the traditional “People will marry their pets” route in favor of the even creepier, “Fine, but if gays can marry, then I’m totally banging my mom.”

“We would say marriage by nature, marriage by definition is between a man and a woman for life, giving children.

Don’t tamper with the definition. If you want to give latitude to other types of relationships, go ahead. But please don’t tamper with that definition of marriage. It is a right for people who can live up to those expectations that are just encoded in the definition. It’s not a right to those who can’t.

We will stand up for other rights with you, we will treat you with love and reverence, but we can not ever tamper with the necessary attributes of what we consider to be the very pillar of society. Namely the very definition of marriage.”

To which Morley Safer rightly responds, “How is marriage’s defense affected by allowing homosexual marriage? It doesn’t attack heterosexual marriage in any way. It just alters, only slightly, the definition of marriage.”

It’s at this point that my brain explodes all over the place because of the sheer ridiculousness of the Archbishop’s answer. It’s a mess, too. My poor partner then walks into the office and is all, “Again?! Ugh. I’ll go fetch a rag and a bucket.”

OK, so that part didn’t happen. But Dolan really did just answer this rational question with, “If gays marry, then can I marry my mom?” Which, of course, absolutely nobody else in the world except for this priest is thinking. Perv. No. No you cannot marry your mother when gays are soon awarded the federal right to marry. Don’t ever bring up that asinine question again. Holy man or not, you’re an idiot.

What do you think of the Archbishop’s thoughts on gay marriage?

Related Stories

'Supernatural' Has Proven There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Explore Gay Storylines
Still Here, Still Queer: The Rise (and Rise) of LGBTQ Zine Culture
Here's How to Ask Out Your Gym Crush (Or Any Crush, Anywhere)
As a Young Man, Bram Stoker Wrote a 'Love Letter' to His Queer Literary Idol, Walt Whitman