This Massively Endowed Lifeguard Explains it All
A lifeguard named Jake got lots of attention this week, several months after posting an awkward e-mail from his boss on Reddit’s /BigDickProblems sub-Reddit. After complimenting Jake on doing a great job, his boss (politely as possible) mentioned that Jake’s giant schlong was making people uncomfortable:
“…we have received a few complaints in the past few weeks from a few members about your attire. I’m not sure the most prudent way I can put this, but a few parents have complained about how visible your anatomy is in your suit, and they indicated that they were uncomfortable having their children use the pool around you.
Now, please understand that this is not an issue for me, and none of the other guards have indicated this is a problem for them. I’m simply repeating what I’ve been told by several members, and as I’m sure you understand, corporate’s only interest is keeping as many members as possible. (Unfortunate, but true.)
What an HR nightmare! He concludes by suggesting Jake switch to board shorts.
Jake’s mentioned his wardrobe requirements in other Reddit threads. “I need the support from tighter-fitting underwear to prevent my junk from flopping around,” he says, and skinny jeans are a no-go.
We reached out to Jake for comment, and he was more than happy to answer our questions. And, since you’re wondering, Jake says he’s 9.5″ long and 6.5″ around when he’s hard, and about 6″ X 5″ soft.
Unicorn Booty: So, tell us a little bit about yourself. Is Jake even your real name?
Jake: Well, Jake is a nickname that most people call me, but it’s not my legal name. I’m 22 and I’m from LA originally, but live in the San Diego area now.
You’re on a college swim team, right?
I graduated from college in December, so I’m no longer on a team, but I do still swim for fun. The e-mail from my boss was two months ago, and nothing really came of that. I still work there as a lifeguard, and he didn’t ask me to wear anything different in the end. Basically, I don’t think he was really comfortable dealing with the situation, so he just wanted to move on.
You’ve posted a number of times over the years about uncomfortable locker room situations that you’ve had. Have you gotten good advice?
The best advice I’ve gotten has been from the /BigDickProblems sub on Reddit. I discovered it around two years ago, and for the most part, the advice I’ve gotten there has been very mature and helpful, since the majority of the guys commenting there have most of the same issues that I have.
The first time you’re with a guy, how does it go? Are other men intimidated by you in bed?
If any guys I’ve been with have been intimidated, they haven’t told me. Usually, most are surprised. I don’t go around bragging to everyone I meet about my size. In fact, some of my friends don’t even know about it, so guys I’ve been with usually haven’t found out until we get into the bedroom.
Have you been with many guys?
I’ve been with probably around 10 guys total.
Posting information like this online and also living in the San Diego area, I have to ask. Are the people from Sean Cody banging down your door?
Several porn studios have reached out to me over the past few years, but I’m not interested in doing porn, so I’ve always turned them down. Given that I live in San Diego (and am from LA originally) there are a lot of porn studios in the area anyways, so I think they like the fact that I’m local.
Last question: are you in a relationship right now?
I am in a relationship, yes.