The New Day, WWE, Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, wrestlers, wrestling
The New Day, WWE, Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, wrestlers, wrestling

We Want WWE Superstar Big E To Be Our New Unicorn Booty Spokesperson!

Here at Unicorn Booty, we’re always on the hunt for the latest in unicorn news. We’re also always on the lookout for groundbreaking booty news, but as a (mostly) work-safe site we don’t necessarily cover every booty that crosses our path. Luckily for us though, there’s Big E. Langston (pictured center above), a professional wrestler who’s seriously invested in unicorns, bootys, and specifically unicorn booties — oh yes. Can we conscript him to be our new mascot… or our spokesperson at least.

Big E is one-third of tag team The New Day (along with Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods), who by all accounts are one of the only fun things happening in the WWE these days. They each call each other “unicorn brethren” and Big E in particular has a penchant for saying the word “booty” and occasionally twerking as a way of dominating and taunting enemies.

On the November 23 episode of WWE Raw, the trio danced around the ring with unicorn heads on sticks. You can even buy one at auction at the WWE site, if you’re quick.

Seriously, this guy is crazy about unicorns. He and his unicorn brethren even don glowing, rainbow-colored horns sometimes (you can buy those too at the WWE store).

He’s so unicorn-obsessed that here’s an actual recent post from his Instagram feed:

  A photo posted by Big E (@wwebige) on

At 5’11” and 285 pounds, Big E lives up to his name. His massive frame looks even bigger when squeezed into a little singlet, as he’s one of the few WWE wrestlers to don the traditional spandex onesie. His WWE bio claims that he can deadlift a Fiat, although he’s never actually tried. If anyone could, though…

The former high school wrestler played college football before moving into powerlifting, breaking state and national records by deadlifting over 800 pounds at a go. Big E and teammates Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston are known for dancing and the trombone they bring into the ring.

http://wrestling-giffer.tumblr.com/post/133798489442

Sports Illustrated call them the best part of WWE Raw, USA network’s three-hour Monday wrestling show:

“The New Day host a delightfully modern sense of humor that’s been missing from WWE television since… well, ever. These three men have figured out how to be sinister heels with rap jokes and Final Fantasy references, and they’ve ridden that unconventional train to the top of the card.”

They’ve got lots of fans and lots of fan art. Someone called Chuzzle Art made this pretty amazing drawing of the three men on a unicorn. Big E is front and center.

http://chuzzleart.tumblr.com/post/132961506565/my-drawing-of-the-new-day-on-a-unicorn

And then there’s this…

http://robschamberger.tumblr.com/post/132803010682/the-new-day-kofi-kingston-big-e-and-xavier-woods

“Make no mistake,” agrees Kyle Fowle at AV Club. “New Day is currently WWE’s best stuff.” He also praises “the glorious timbre of Big E’s voice.” By the way, Big E’s also got some impeccable taste. Scrolling through his Twitter feed, you can find him singing the praises of Helen Mirren, Bjork, and old-time movie star Hedy Lamarr.

WWE New Day unicorn on a stick
This stick has rubbed against a professional wrestler’s thighs.

Oh, and in case you’re interested in that Stick Unicorn auction, you’ve got until tomorrow to bid. Signed by all three members of The New Day, the stick’s currently going for $140. If that’s a big pricy, there’s also The New Day’s unicorn t-shirts for 23 bucks.

Our soon-to-be-spokesman would probably appreciate it if you’re already wearing them when he arrives at our offices.