Not everyone likes to be touched. Philadelphia state Rep. Matt Bradford found this out the hard way when his colleague Rep. Daryl Metcalfe interrupted a House committee meeting today with an unintentionally hilarious response to being tapped on the arm.
During a discussion about a land use bill, Rep. Bradford, the committee’s ranking Democrat, tried to get the attention of Rep. Metcalfe by touching his forearm. But Rep. Metcalfe, the committee chair and a Republican, was irritated by the touch.
Rep. Metcalfe interrupted his fellow representative mid-sentence:
Representative Bradford, look, I’m a heterosexual. I have a wife, I love my wife. I don’t like men, as you might. But stop touching me all the time. It’s like, keep your hands to yourself. Like, if you want to touch somebody, you have people on your side of the aisle that might like it. I don’t.
Rep. Bradford started laughing and the room got very uncomfortable. It should be noted that Rep. Bradford is also married to a woman and has four children. He replied, “We are officially off the rails,” as his fellow representatives joined in laughing. He attempted to explain himself, saying “My intent was just to beg for your permission for about 30 seconds.”
“Then beg, don’t touch,” Rep. Metcalfe replied.
“I don’t know where we go from here, really,” Rep. Bradford responded. He then made a motion to postpone, and requested a sidebar “to talk about some of the, what I’ll call, extraneous issues.” Straining not to laugh, Rep. Bradford ended with, “And, uh, yeah, I’m pretty much without any further comment that would be constructive at this time.”
An unamused Rep. Metcalfe tries to cut Rep. Bradford off with a curt “Thank you.”
Watch this space for our upcoming look at the hot new gay sex act — light forearm touching.