Discreet Gay Men: These Gay YouTubers Tackle the Topic of Discreet Guys on Gay Apps

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We’ve recently become fans of gay YouTuber Zach Garcia, his husband Alastair Patton and their dog Bronson. In a recent “Couples Therapy” video, the cute couple were asked by a fan about shaming discreet gay men on dating apps.

“What’s your opinion on shaming discreet guys on dating apps?”

Patton answers first: “My opinion is, if guys want to be discreet on dating apps, let them be discreet on dating apps.”

Garcia explains that there are two different types of discreet guys. “I classify them more like two separate things,” he explains. “There’s the discreet guys who, you know, they’re like a headless torso, but they are willing to send you a face picture should you request one.”

“And then there’s the discreet guys who are just like, you know. They’ll even say it their bio like ‘Don’t ask for a face picture because I’m not fucking sending you a face picture.’ It means they are probably married.”

But Patton begs to differ. He points out that maybe the reason isn’t because of infidelity. “Or, could be it’s a professional thing that they don’t have their face out there,” he contests. “I don’t know. I think it’s their prerogative to be discreet. And, also, if you’re contacting each other, you know it’s your prerogative whether you want to continue.”

Watch their convo on discreet gay men here:

Contributing Hornet writer Zachary Zane also brought up the topic of discreet gay men in an article titled “The Argument for Not Shaming Guys Who Are Discreet on Gay Apps.”

He too explores the different types of gay men who may be discreet on dating apps. Zane writes:

Now, some of these men are married to women (or have a significant female partner) and are cheating on them. Others aren’t cheating on their spouses but simply aren’t publicly out for whatever reason — maybe internalized homophobia or fear of rejection from their family members. A number of these discreet guys aren’t exactly sure of their sexual identity but know they have attractions to other men and want to explore that in a way that’s private and confidential.

So for one of a million reasons, there are a number of discreet guys who aren’t out yet. They still, however, have a sex drive and want to have sexual relations with other men. That’s why many of them are on apps like Hornet.

We love Zane’s thoughts on the matter, and also appreciate how Patton and Garcia discuss the touchy subject, too.

Because of this video and some of their others, Patton and Garcia are easily becoming one of our favorite queer YouTube channels. But we’re curious: why are they hiding their laps with pillows for the entire video? What is underneath the pillows? The people need to know.