Eating Ice Cream Is Gay, Says Random Heterosexual Richard Hammond

Eating Ice Cream Is Gay, Says Random Heterosexual Richard Hammond

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We’re unsure if eating ice cream is a cause or an effect of homosexuality, but let it be known that random, heterosexual British television personality Richard Hammond has declared that eating ice cream is gay. Hammond should know, having hosted so many TV programs (or programmes as the British say) on cars and automotives, he is a foremost expert on heterosexuality and gay semiotics.

While on the Amazon car series The Grand Tour, Hammond responded to a question about whether he’d eat ice cream in a car by stating, “It’s all right, I don’t eat ice cream. It’s something to do with being straight…. Ice cream is a bit… y’know.”

Surprised, a  sensible person asked him, “You’re saying all children are homosexual?”

And Hammond responded, “No, but… There’s nothing wrong with it, but a grown man eating an ice cream, you know, it’s a bit… It’s that way rather than that way.”

It’s true. Any adult who eats ice cream is undoubtedly homosexual. We’ve already taken the rainbows from Christians and marriage from straight people; ice cream was simply the next item on our gay agenda.

As one Twitter commenter said, “Someone tell Richard Hammond that if he finds himself wanting to shag men whenever he eats ice cream, it’s proooobably not the ice cream.” Hammond also once hosted a show called Inside Britain’s Fattest Man, so he might actually know a thing or two about homosexuality and desserts.

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