As the live shows approach for Eurovision, let’s discuss who’ll be serving up the best eye-candy — the ones you can enjoy while watching their song on mute! Here’s the top five best looking male and female contestants.
Let’s start with the men!
Belgium’s Loic Nottet is wet throughout his video for “Rhythm Inside” (above) and I think it’s a great look for him. All that needs to be missing is his clothes — like why would you get soaking wet in your clothes? Plus those cheek bones could cut the finest cocaine.
As you all know, Sweden is one of my picks to win this year because “Heroes” is such a banger. What also adds to the song is that Mans Zelmerlow (pictured right) is fucking bae. Sweden is known for making complicated furniture and amazing looking men and Mans is a prime example. He’s very coy with his glances to the audience and he wants them to have a good time. I just want to have a good time with him too… in his sovrum (that’s the Swedish word for “bedroom,” sluts).
Michele Perniola (pictured left), who is one half of San Marino’s entry, is only 16 years old. With that said, he is a very adorable young man and I’m sure he’ll grow up to become an even better looking man when he’s 18. Chris Hansen, if you’re reading this, please do not bring the To Catch A Predator film crew to my house! I’m not a pederast, I just know beauty when I see it — there’s a difference, gah!
The beautiful men of Il Volo represent Italy and I honestly could not be more grateful. Let me cut to the chase and say that if these three guys wanted to use me as their pass-around groupie I wouldn’t say no and I’d never leave. Like, they’d need a restraining order and four polizia to make me leave — I LOVE YOU BOYS ALL SO VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH (call me).
Closing out the top five, we have Austria’s entry, the Makemakes. This band is comprised of three guys and the lead singer is giving me Coachella festival attendee and I’m all about that. I could braid his hair while he sang to me in Austrian, and then we’d listen to records while cuddling on the coach and eating soy tacos, because that’s what cute indie couples do.
As far as the women go in the competition, it was hard to narrow it done to just five. The five that I’ve chosen represent different aspects of beauty that Europe has to offer.
Molly Sterling of Ireland has a beautiful aura about her. Her song, “Playing With Numbers” (video above), is kinda somber but in her video she looks defiant and like she’ll rise above the sadness. She’s rocking the phoenix attitude and she also wears fringe in the video and you know my love of fringe! Friiiiiiinge.
Whenever I first watched the video for “Unbroken” by Maria Olafs (pictured right) of Iceland, I immediately became a fan. Her song has an adult contemporary radio sound, and her pure innocence comes off as both attractive and very likable — she actually reminds me a lot of 2013 winner Emmelie de Forest. Whether she wins or not, Maria’s a beautiful young girl with a bright future ahead of her.
The beauty of Albania’s Elhaida Dani (pictured above left) comes in many different ways. First, she’s physically beautiful — just check out those killer cheek bones and perfect nose. Then there’s her voice, so strong and clear. She also wears her hair big and beautifully. She’s the sort of woman whose inner strength makes her all the more alluring.
Ann Sophie (pictured right) of Germany is honestly one of my favorites overall. I love her look during her live performances and I love her attitude. Her onstage confidence elevates her unconventional looks into a beautiful overall package onstage. The way she performs “Black Smoke” will help her a lot in the competition.
Spain’s Edurne is a beauty best described as “pageant queen.” She is insanely beautiful and sings beautifully and it’s almost like she entered the Miss Universe contest. It’s such a shame she has such an awful music video for her song “Amanecer.” I’m looking to see what she does during the live shows to see if she can deliver not just beauty but also talent.
Though these ten represent some of the prettiest folks competing, remember, beauty doesn’t get you everything.