Everybody Poops…except Kim Kardashian.

Lady K talks all of her shit instead.

Scientific breakthrough: Kim Kardashian says she has defied nature and cannot make a bowel movement, or fart.

The reality star announces the news in the latest issue of Cosmo (via Perez), revealing that people would be surprised to know that she’s never “gone #2 or passed gas.”

This of course, in addition to being impossible and just a silly joke, contradicts an eye-witness report about Kim Kardashian accidentally pooping in a Miami pool last April. Check out the photographic evidence on the right and read the account over HERE. Eek.

The Great Cosmopolitan Kardashian Poopgate of 2011 probably seemed like a funny idea, but I doubt KK meant to drum up Google searches that would point us back in the direction of the Miami pool poop incident.

Also, poop, poop, poop.