Sometimes when you’re in between relationships, you need an outlet for your sexuality. And while not for everybody, sometimes seeking friends with benefits — people with whom you can have sex without a relationship — is the answer. YouTuber Vinny Vaillancourt (a/k/a V-Squared) talks about his experience.
Vinny talks about being newly single after a long time. (Sadly, he separated from his longtime partner and co-YouTuber recently.) He describes being on a “sexual journey,” and exploring the world of friends with benefits for the first time.
Vinny also mentions that when he was younger, he was sexually abused. He says:
Going back a bit, my sexual revolution, or evolution, has been more difficult than maybe most people. For those who don’t know, trigger warning for people out there, I was actually sexually abused as a kid. And therefore, my relationship with sex has been very, very, very different.
Honestly, every time I would have some sort of sexual encounter when I was into my teenage years — I started fooling around when I was 14 — I would have to shower immediately after. And I think it was a guilt, and a body shame, and it just felt wrong. And I think this directly relates to how I felt about sex, specifically because of the trauma that I faced.
However, Vinny talks about how throughout his relationship, he was able to navigate his feelings. He and his partner were monogamous, and he says “that relationship was beautiful … and the sexual aspect of it was really good.”
But that was the only sexual partner Vinny ever had. So, of course, Vinny wanted to explore and see what was out there. But, as he says, many gay men enjoy having friends with benefits, so Vinny was able to have those different experiences he desired.
For the first time in my life, I am understanding the difference between sex for sex and sex for intimacy and/or love. And I think it’s a very important lesson to learn, especially for me. Growing up, like I said, sex was wrong. It was something that made me feel icky and gross inside. And now, to translate how I feel about sex now, where I can be with a friend or partner and consent and get some sort of gratification out of it, and still hold on to a friendship — I think that’s pretty cool.
Vinny’s not alone in feeling weird about sex — at least initially — after being abused. Many people have trouble reclaiming their sexuality after sexual abuse or rape. Thankfully, there are resources out there for people struggling with this. And as Vinny shows, you can overcome your past abuse and have a healthy, happy sex life.
Watch Vinny Vaillancourt talk about friends with benefits below: