I just moved into an apartment with two cats, having only lived with dogs prior. I’m not going to go ahead and say I’m now a “cat person.” I’m still definitely a dog guy, but I do see what the fuss is about. (Despite the fact Turtle just peed on the bath mat this morning.) I’ve also come to realize why so many gay men like cats.
It’s because gay men are like cats. Here’s the proof.
1. Gay men and cats are obsessed with flaunting their anuses.
Cats are always doing weird things with their anuses, prominently displaying them and showing them off. Raising their hind legs just to show you. Can you think of anyone else who loves flaunting their anuses? Yup, gay men. Gay men love to send unsolicited pictures of their zoomed in butthole!
2. Gay men and cats are easily distracted.
Cats are easily distracted. All I need to do is bring out a shoe with long laces and my cats will stop whatever nonsense they’re doing to play. Similarly, I’ll be talking to a (gay) friend while walking down the street, and if he sees a cute guy, he immediately can no longer focus on anything else. He’ll also magically seem to have the neck rotation of an owl, capable of turning his head 270 degrees without moving the rest of his body.
3. Gay men and cats get over things very quickly.
Just as quickly as cats are into something, they’re over it. The cats I live with will be obsessed with the new scratching board I buy them, playing with it day and night for a week. Then they’ll wake up one morning completely over it, never to use it again. This is the exact behavior of gay men. I feel like trends cycle quicker for gay culture than for straight culture. It’s like, first we’re obsessed with the Babadook, and a few days later we completely forget him for Cuca, the crocodile queen from Brazil.
4. Gay men and cats can’t decide if they like the guy, so they go back and forth.
Cats are so finicky with their affection. They’ll love you just for a second, and then when you move to pet them, they’ll quickly scurry off. Gay men are the same. I can’t tell you the number of guys who seem to like me, then don’t, then like me again, then stop responding to texts, only to ask me out a few days later. It’s like, What do you want from me?
5. Gay men and cats are cute AF.
Facts. Cats are cute. In fact, cute cat videos are 50% of the reason why YouTube has become as successful as it is today. Gay men are cute. I’d argue they’re the other 50% of the reason why YouTube (or perhaps Redtube) has become so successful.
6. When gay men and cats are pissed off, the claws come out.
Everyone knows not to mess with queers, ‘cause our claws will come out when we are pissed — just like every single cat since the dawn of catkind. You mess with either of us, and you get scratched.
7. Gay men and cats can be catty motherf*ckers.
A bitchy gay man? Who’s ever heard of such a thing? While this stereotype isn’t true for all of us, it sure is true for a number of us. Gay men can be catty, and cats also act catty. (Literally. They literally act like cats. All the damn time.)