Are You Gay? Take This CIA-Inspired Test to Find Out Culture

Are You Gay? Take This CIA-Inspired Test to Find Out

Written by R. S. Benedict on April 22, 2017
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This post is also available in: Español

Want to know if you’re gay? We’ve put together a test to help you find out, with answers based on a 1980 CIA memo on identifying homosexuals.

The memo was intended to help investigators root out gays in order to blackmail them.

It might seem hard to believe, but just a few decades ago, law enforcement officers and military investigators went to work trying to find gays. Someone found guilty of being gay could lose their job and/or social standing.

However, the investigators charged to help identify gays were often clueless. In 1980s Chicago, Navy investigators went on a wild goose chase looking for the protagonist of The Wizard of Oz after misinterpreting the gay slang expression “friend of Dorothy.”

And today, even in fairly progressive countries, gay hunts still happen. South Korea’s army was accused of using fake profiles on gay dating apps to find queer soldiers.

The Gay Test

The following test is based on a 1980 memo circulated around the CIA.

The answers may sound absurd, but this is based on the CIA’s reasoning. The CIA wrote that gays have the following characteristics:

  • They are above-average employees: “he is punctual, responsive to authority, cooperative, friendly, a credit to the organization.”
  • They use a post office box.
  • They prefer foreign cars.
  • They don’t usually drive to work.
  • They have roommates of the non-sexy kind: “It is not uncommon for two homosexuals to live together and not engage in mutual sex activity.”
  • They’re great tenants: Landlords often encourage rentals to homosexuals since they are neat, generally quiet, interested in keeping their apartments in good condition, and dependable when it comes to finances.”
  • They’re smart but they have issues: “The homosexual is a complex, intelligent, interesting and mixed-up individual.”

When you get your gay test score, keep in mind that in the 1980s the wrong results could have ruined your life.

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