The gay waiter stereotype is pretty common. The Canadian sketch comedy troupe, The Kids in the Hall, riffed on the concept, as well as many others. But some people should leave the comedy to the experts. A church in Jacksonville, Florida, for example, just posted a “funny” How to Avoid a Gay Waiter video that inspires more groans than laughs.
The Stedfast Baptist Church in Jacksonville posts their sermons online every week. This week, they included a brief video from preacher Adam Fannin.
Fannin describes what to do if you go to a restaurant and get a gay waiter. (And his answer isn’t “be kind and tip well,” which is what we’re pretty sure Jesus would say.) Instead, his response serves up a main course of homophobia with a little bit of sexist nonsense as an aperitif.
In the gay waiter video, Fannin says:
Anyone ever go to a restaurant? You sit down and here comes this flaming foo-foo fruit loop, right? You’re like “Oh, great, I’m here to have date night. Enjoy some time with my wife and I can’t because of the lisps, I can’t even.”
You know, my recommendation — if you don’t just get up and leave — my recommendation is just don’t order anything. “Well, here, let me get you a drink.” “No, just wait, just wait.”
And you sit there patiently and you look around. And you will find a lady that looks like a mom, that looks like a very diligent worker. You will find somebody that you notice that’s busy, that’s doing stuff. You say, “Yeah, that’s the one right there.”
You walk up to them and you say, “Hey, what’s your name? Have we had you before? Can we get you over here?”
Now look, don’t lie. Don’t say, “Oh, we’ve had you, you’re great, I know you’re the best!” Right? Just say, “What’s your name? Have we had you before? Can we get you over here?” And I guarantee it always works. “Oh, yeah, no problem, I’ll get the manager, I’ll get the hostess to move me around,” and then you can enjoy your dinner.
And hey, you better tip her well, but let that foo-foo know what he missed out on, okay? Yeah. [Someone in the crowd says “Amen”] That’s how to avoid a gay waiter.
So, let’s break this down. Not only does Fannin suggest that you should keep a waiter from doing his job just because he’s gay, but that you should track down someone who’s already busy to help you. And then you should give her a good tip — not because she deserves it for putting up with your ridiculous ass, but to spite another waiter just for being gay.
Yep, sounds exactly what Jesus would do. This guy’s a regular Saint Peter.