This Guy Used an Army of Fire Ants to Defeat a Planned Parenthood Protest

A Twitter user claims he chased some obnoxious anti-choice protesters away from a Planned Parenthood by enlisting the help of the insect kingdom.

and there were always these bizzare chud college kids from the fake catholic university like 50 miles away that would protest

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

(Note: “chud” is an acronym for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. It’s an insult popular among leftists on Twitter. The expression comes from a 1980s horror movie about sewer mutants.)

I don't even think it was on PP's property, it was like, a city easement. So that's where they'd go and do their dumb shit

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

Protesters are a common sight outside of women’s health clinics. Often, protesters hold up gory images of dead fetuses and scream insults at the patients. One Buzzfeed writer described an absolutely hideous encounter with some anti-abortion activists:

The hardest thing I’ve ever done is carry a sobbing 14-year-old rape survivor from the door of a women’s health clinic to the door of the van that would take her back to a women’s shelter, while a crowd of men stood around us and screamed that she could never be forgiven.

Thus, sympathy for anti-choice protesters remains very, very low amongst pro-choice advocates.

we were out stealing golf balls from the private driving range (whole other story) and got into an antpile. those awful red fire ants.

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

It was then that this Twitter user got a devilish idea. But first, he and his friends had to get hammered.

so in the words of Arlo Guthrie, with shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, we piled into the back of the van and went back

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

The Twitter user is referencing a line from Arlo Guthrie’s classic anti-authoritarian ballad “Alice’s Restaurant.”

and duct-taped our pants to our boots and gloves to our sleeves, and dug up this entire massive anthill and put it in the buckets

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

then we went back and dug a 15' trench the whole length of the grass thingy where the chuds stood every saturday (this was friday night)

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

that part sucked we got fucked up by a lot of ants and I got stung on my face, fuck ants

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

But the plot had just begun….

after like half an hour they got there and set up their lawn chairs and signs and then things began going horribly wrong for the chuds

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

The fire ants began viciously attacking the anti-abortion protestors.

and had to go out in the road in traffic in their bare feet, flailing about, shaking out purses and bags and shit

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

The protesters soon learned that even the police cannot defeat the forces of nature:

and that was the last of the chuds for about 3 months until they got brave enough to come back and I guess the ants were gone

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

One member of the pro-Planned Parenthood group literally risked his balls:

anyway that's how you get rid of protestors, local geography and insect fauna allowing, the end

— babadookadonk ☀️?☭ (@gatorgoat) January 31, 2017

We cannot verify this story, and we cannot recommend this course of action in dealing with protesters (it’s probably illegal and as mentioned above it will put your balls in danger), but it’s interesting nonetheless.