If you like penises, then you’ll love a newly released video giving a quick and dirty history of the penis.
It explains why human penises are shaped the way they are, the depiction of penises in ancient art, how witches used to “steal” penises and even contemporary penis slang. And yet, the video is surprisingly modest in length, despite its long history.
Naturally, we’re endlessly fascinated with penises and sexual health, but we’ve never seen a history of the penis … until today.
Here’s the video explaining the history of the penis:
The history of the penis’ shape makes you think twice about size
The video mentioned two prevailing theories about why the human penis is larger than those of primates.
Loretta A. Cormier, a professor of anthropology, says that penises have evolved into their current shape to help maximize human pleasure. Human penises are larger than primate penises and, unlike other animals, humans don’t have a penis bone, making them more flexible and able to work in a variety of sexual positions.
Evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup thinks that human penises have longer larger shafts to help deposit semen deep into wombs, with mushroom-shaped heads to “scrape” competitor’s semen out of the vagina.
The history of the penis in art explains why Greek statues have small penises
Some of the earliest instances of art featured penises, including a 9,000 to 12,000-year-old crude rock carving known as “Little Horny Man” whose penis measures as long as his left arm.
Some of the earliest creation myths dating back to 4,000 or 5,000 years ago say that penises created all life. (We assume they were written by men.) The Sumerian god Enki is thought to have created the Euphrates River with his semen and the Egyptian god Atum is said to have created the universe through masturbation.
Classical Greek statues from approximately 2,500 years ago featured small penises, even on muscular heroes and gods, because the logic-loving Greeks equated larger penises with an overemphasis on emotion.
The modern history of the penis involves witches and hilarious slang terms
In the 15th century, people apparently thought that witches could steal men’s penises — either by making men unable to see their own or by snatching them away and placing them in penis trees. Some witches even allegedly kept penises as pets, feeding them wild oats.
The video’s narrator points out the development of penis slang over the years includes hilarious terms and phrases like “Master John Goodfellow” (1653), “shaft of delight” (1772), “staff of life” (1836) and “gospel pipe” (1916).
The video history concludes by commenting that porn may have skewed men’s views on what a normal, healthy penis looks like. Now we have numerous erection-inducing pills and potions on the market, and some men to undergo penis enlargement surgery, a needless (and potentially deadly) procedure.
Featured image by jessekarjalainen via iStock