When you’re on a “gay social app” like Hornet, chances are you’re probably trying to get laid rather than socialize. But successful flirting is a balancing act: be too forward and you may scare a guy off, be too meek and he may lose interest.
1. Start off friendly
If you’re shy or hitting a bunch of guys up at once, take advantage of the app’s sticker option and send a quick kiss, beer or smile to indicate your interest… and then give him time to respond. Sending a sticker and a message immediately after can come off as a little aggressive depending on the guy.
And when you initiate conversation, avoid the eye-rollingly basic “Sup?” or worse “Looking?”. Instead, start with a friendly “Hello” — it’s more neutral and lets them indicate their interest in response. If you’re feeling a bit more confident, start with the cheeky “How’s it hangin’?” It’ll get sex on their minds immediately and encourage them to respond sexually if they catch the innuendo.
Though some guys loathe the whole “How’s it going?” start to conversation, it’s really just an opening line to establishing a deeper (and hopefully sexier) connection.
2. Be chill
Desperation is unattractive. If he’s interested, he’ll respond. If he doesn’t, sending a bunch of follow-up messages will likely backfire. I’d even suggest giving him a full day to respond if you’re really interested. If you’re in a rush though, move on — there are other wasps in the hive.
This rule also applies to chatting. Take it easy — there’s no need to gush all at once about his sexiness and how badly you want to meet him. Some guys will respond to that, but others will consider it a turn-off. Wait until he shows interest first before gushing (we’ll discuss how to guage interest below). If he’s interested, believe us, it’ll come out eventually.
And if he’s not interested, don’t let it hurt your feelings. Personally, I suggest approaching each conversation with an open mind — plenty of people have made good friends, acquaintances, professional contacts, or fuckbuds off of Hornet and it helps to be open to each. If you’re concentrated solely on sex or validation, you could miss out on meeting a genuinely cool person. Some guys get on Hornet to make friends, others get on solely for sex — if you’re not one fella’s type,that’s good to know: it lets you save time to go find someone you DO gel with.
3. Point out a GENUINE common connection
Early on, point out anything you have in common. If he’s a gamer, mention that you’re a gamer. If he’s wearing a band t-shirt, comment that you like music too. If he mentions that he’s into certain food or hobby, share your interest — it’ll aid the conversation and let him know you’re worth hanging out with for more than just sex.
A warning though: don’t lie. If you’re not into sushi or social activism, don’t say that you are or else your deception will quickly become apparent when he asks about your favorite type of sashimi or local organizations.
If you don’t have anything immediately in common, ask a question based on his profile. If he works in a certain industry, ask how he likes it or comment on how you’re impressed because his field seems really challenging. If he likes travel, mention how cool that is and ask him where he’d like to visit next, adding that you’ve always dreamed of visiting South America (or whatever)
4. Drop a physical compliment (and use emoji)
A casual, “How’s it going, handsome?” or “You’re as handsome as you are smart” indicates physical attraction. The following have also proven effective: mister, tiger, cutie, pup, fuzzy, ya beast, stud, you hot fucker — each one more direct than the last.
Also, studies have proven that a wink or smile emoji can actually help get you laid because they mimic physical flirting and playfulness — so use them. A clever or well-placed emoji inserted into regular conversation shows a higher level of engagement and interest that’s more likely to get a response.
5. Gauge his responses
If he doesn’t answer your questions or takes a long time between responses, you can either 1) wait, 2) mention the lag and ask if he’d rather chat later or 3) assume he’s not interested and move on. But if he responds promptly; uses compliments, pet names, emoji or sexual innuendo; or asks you to unlock your private pics, he’s probably interested.
Personally, I wait until a guy shows a little interest until I start talking dirty or trading sexy pics because why waste the effort on an unappreciative person?
6. When trading pics, use the seductive art of striptease
Your main profile pic should be of you at your sexiest: if you wanna get down, show skin; if you don’t, serve up your most flattering pose. But if he expresses interest in trading pics, don’t start off with a pic of your butthole. Entice him with pics where you’re gradually wearing fewer and fewer clothes.
Though my main profile pic is me shirtless, my second pic is me rocking a modest but sexy wrestling singlet, then one of me in a short bathing suit, then one of me unbuttoning my jeans, then one of me in underwear and eventually the fully monty. The idea is that you want to have a guy ask (nay, BEG. to see your goods rather than just just giving away the pony at the outset.
7. Have non-sexual self pics
It also helps to take lots of selfies (both sexual and softcore) so you have a variety of pics to choose from. In the end, I chose pics that show off my sexiness as well as my creativity and “normal” looks. I’m not an underwear model and so I want pics that make me look dead sexy as well as ones of me making out with statues or looking “normal” to show that I’m a weird but real dude.
Also, try to avoid pics of you together with other people — nine times out of ten, I end up more attracted to the other person. Don’t sabotage yourself — crop them out!
8. Return a compliment with a suggestive ask
If someone comments or compliments you on your hairiness, beefiness, physique, underwear or whatever, respond with something like, “Thanks 🙂 I’d love a closer peek at your fur/ bod/ muscles/ undies as well,” or “Thank you. Are you furry/ muscular/ beefy/ into briefs too?” This puts them in a position to either respond with pics or to describe their bod — either way, it’s a win.
9. Suggest meeting with a concrete idea of when and where
Chit-chat is good and all, but eventually you’re going to want to get off(line). Be straightforward. Say, “It’d be cool to meet up for a drink sometime” or “I’d love to hang out sometime if you’re down.” If they agree, suggest a concrete day or activity. “Would you like to grab a drink during happy hour on Friday” or “Would you be up for video games on Thursday night?” works a lot better than leaving the details unclear or undiscussed.
10. Be safe and digitally savvy
It’s okay to ask for a guy’s phone number when chatting (a la “Hey, is it cool if we trade phone numbers? I don’t always check this app” or “Can we text each other? I promise not to drunk dial you.”). And if you get his number, don’t be shy about asking his last name — if he gives it to you, you can Google or Facebook him; if he doesn’t, it might just means that he wants some privacy.
It’s also a good idea to ask what he does for a living, where he lives/works out or to check out his social media accounts (if he has them listed). These can help you learn more about him so you can have a better idea of who he is before meeting.
Personally, I prefer meeting a guy in public or chatting for a good while before meeting, that way you have history and a better idea of his temperament. It’s also good to discuss what you’re into sexually, HIV-status and your plan for safe-sex. If he invites you over, ask if he has roommates and if they’ll be around; if you’re unsure if you’re coming over for sex, ask. It usually never hurts to be direct and clear communication and trust will ensure that both of you have a good time.