If Donald Trump Is Elected, Cher Is Moving To Jupiter

Written by Matthew Lawrence on December 31, 2015

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Donald Trump is the noisiest of the sixteen – whoops, make that fifteen – Democratic and Republican presidential candidates and, terrifyingly, he’s still one of the frontrunners. If Americans make the terrible, tragic mistake of electing evil clown Trump, there’s still a silver lining: four more years of Cher’s empassioned, emoji-filled political rants on Twitter. For instance:

WHATS DUMP TRUMP UP 2⁉️CAN ANY1 IMAGINE HIM MAKING A SPEECH IN THE?GARDEN⁉️”I BUILT IT‼️I OWN IT‼️TRUMP’S WHITE HOUSE‼️IM RICH, ILLEGALS”? ?

— Cher (@cher) July 27, 2015

Cher does NOT like Donald Trump one bit, as opposed to the crying emoji, which she loves and uses with gleeful abandon. For several years now the 69-year old singer has taken to her Twitter account to explain her reasoning, in the vaguely surreal tone of your drunk aunt squinting at her phone after one too many White Zinfandels. Here are nearly five years worth of highlights from the Academy Award-winning actress and singer:

Donald Trump is Pompous Asshole ! Saw him in Aspen with one Dcup chick after another Everyone up there thought he was a complete idiot

— Cher (@cher) April 27, 2011

Pls retweet ! Donald Trump ( mr chapter11) is Only a Mean Spirited BAD ACTOR who couldn’t find his ass with both hands & a map !

— Cher (@cher) April 27, 2011

Played TGT 4 mom”Cher I LOVE Song& Your Voices 2gether & Honey Why is Donald Trump saying Horrible things about u Because Hes an Asshole Mom

— Cher (@cher) May 14, 2012

Besides his ENDLESS”HATE SPEECH”FILLED MOUTH?ASK Around Aspen ‘Bout the Old Days!RT@RafCher@cher&what’s the biggest Donald Trump’s problem?

— Cher (@cher) July 25, 2012

It’s Shame D.Trump is total arrogant Asshole?He Could have used his Strong ego,Exceptional mind& creativity 4 Good, instead..HES JUST MEAN

— Cher (@cher) July 13, 2015

Donald Trump’s”MOUTH”WAS ALWAYS GOING CAUSE HIS DEMISE.IT GETS HEADY WHEN PPL SHOUT YOUR NAME &APPLAUD EVERYTHING U DO?HE “MUST”APOLOGIZE??

— Cher (@cher) July 20, 2015

“Narcissistic Personality Disorder”Conceited,pretentious,Boastful,Monopolizes conversations,Belittles &Looks down on ppl they C as inferior

— Cher (@cher) August 10, 2015

TRUMP ON NEWS RE BIBLE?MOST BULLSHIT DISPLAY OF FLIM FLAM SINCE PT BARNUM?FAVE BOOK IS BIBLE,But its TOO PERSONAL 2QUOTE FROM?CRIB NOTES DT

— Cher (@cher) August 28, 2015

@brianna_rose47 HE Could RUN As THIRD“SPECIES”As Far As I’m Concerned.Fake-o-Saurus,LieCeratops,“Tyrant”-o-saurus Rex,Disingenuous AssHole

— Cher (@cher) August 29, 2015

Never thought I’d Say… Donald Trump is a Giant Among Gop front runners‼️ cruz=devil? rubio=RAGE AGAINST WOMEN carson=JUST TELL ME WHY⁉️

— Cher (@cher) October 23, 2015

Im in Cross hairs& should Lay low,But Does my ENTIRE LIFE CRED=That fkng twt?I was Crying?,txtg AC RE MY RAGE AGAINST TRUMP.I FEAR4?? W/HIM

— Cher (@cher) December 1, 2015

AM IN STATE?BETWEEN Hypocrites IN GOP PARTY FAKING SURPRISE AT DONALD TRUMP,2 IDEA THAT PPL R FOOLED BY SATAN INCARNATE,T.CRUZ?WHERES MY????

— Cher (@cher) December 11, 2015

WAIT….TRUMP SAID“HILLARY GOT,?SCHLONGED?By Barack Obama“?DOES DONALD TRUMP HAVE NO SHAME⁉️GUYS AM PRETTY SURE U KNOW WHAT IT MEANS..GIRLS⁉️

— Cher (@cher) December 23, 2015

Then there’s her biggest Twitter hit, with nearly 17,000 retweets:

@elle_emm_aitch Donald Trump Can’t come up with a hairstyle that looks human,how can he come up with a plan to defeat ISIS.

— Cher (@cher) June 16, 2015

Unfortunately, if Donald does become president, Cher might not stick around to editorialize: