INFOGRAPHIC: Man Keeps Stats Over 93 Days Of Masturbation

INFOGRAPHIC: Man Keeps Stats Over 93 Days Of Masturbation

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Reddit user Karl Ryker seems to have a lot of time on his hands; he’s a Reddit user, after all. He may also have some other things on his hands, since the man seems to be a master of sausage massage. Ryker tracked his masturbation habits for three months and then compiled the stats into a few handy charts which outline his filthy habits. By filthy we mean completely normal and healthy, by the way.

Here’s a bio of Ryker based entirely on his Reddit comments:

This 18-to-22 year old Oregonian (who doesn’t reveal his exact age online) likes Bernie Sanders, lesbian porn, and the band Muse. He lives in a part of the country where opossums hang out outside his window. He’s not currently in a relationship, doesn’t want one right now, and didn’t have sex with another person during his 93-day experiment. He doesn’t drink and doesn’t do drugs. Karl (with a K) is his real name, although Ryker may be an alias. (He may be named after General John Ryker from the Marvel universe. He is probably not named for nineties gay porn sensation Ken Ryker. He may also just have Dutch ancestors.)

In other words this guy’s pretty much your average Karl, except for the fact that he’s willing to actually talk about masturbation, which for some reason a lot of single straight guys aren’t.

Ryker has what he calls “a slow jerk style,” if you were wondering. 80 percent of Karl’s happy alone time happened right before or right after bed, with an average of 1.75 daily sessions that each lasted around 21 minutes. Barring one epic 68-minute self-love session on the final day, everything seems pretty standard, except for the fact that he actually bothered to time himself and then document everything.

While some guys (say they) don’t masturbate at all, there’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Remember that Mormon developer with the hands-off Mastur Plan app on Kickstarter? It didn’t even make 1 percent of its goal.

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