Coca-Cola, infographic, soda, health, infographic
Coca-Cola, infographic, soda, health, infographic

INFOGRAPHIC: Whoa. Here’s What Coca-Cola Immediately Does To Your Body

Coca-Cola, infographic, soda, health, infographic
(image via The Renegade Pharmacist)

We already knew that Coca-Cola wasn’t exactly a diet food — a single 12-ounce can has 44 grams of sugar and can be used to bleach toilets and clean corrosion off of car batteries (yummy!). But a website called Renegade Pharmacist has put together an infographic on what happens to your body one hour after you drink a Coke… and it ain’t pretty.

For those who can’t read the infographic above, here’s the “skinny”:

First 10 minutes
10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake [in the U.K.]). You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavour, allowing you to keep it down.

20 minutes in
Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get its hands on into fat. (There’s plenty of that at this particular moment)

40 minutes in
Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dilate, your blood pressure rises, as a response your livers dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked preventing drowsiness.

45 minutes in
Your body ups your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centres of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.

60 minutes in
The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.

After 60 minutes
The caffeine’s diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you’ll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolyte and water.

As the rave inside of you dies down you’ll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You’ve also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the Coke. But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like having the ability to hydrate your system or build strong bones and teeth.

First off, we should point out that it should surprise no one that Coke is similar to heroin, after all, the original Coca-Cola was made with actual cocaine — a fact that you’ll find conveniently missing from the World of Coca-Cola museum in Atlanta, Georgia (believe us, we asked the poor tour guides and they just blushed and made the most polite “I’ll kill you” face they could muster).

Second off, we should also point out another beloved addictive substance that works similarly to heroin: love. Yes, really.

Lastly, while this info is all very interesting, we’re not sure that it’ll stop anyone from actually drinking Coca-Cola because we’re all FUCKING ADDICTED. Hell, I can’t stop drinking Diet Coke even though I’m pretty sure it makes me grouchy, gives me irritable bowel syndrome and has aspertame burning holes in my brain, but I’m AMERICAN GODDAMMIT — my body, my rules.

But at least now if you keep drinking Coca-Cola and then complain to us about having adult-onset diabetes and no valuable nutrients in your body, we can say that we warned you — you’re welcome. Now take that info, and go and enjoy a refreshing Coke water.

(featured image via Anna Anjos)