Dildos on shore

Kids Banned From Italian Beach After a Literal Wave of Dildos Crashes on Shore Outside a Monastery

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Dildos can be a great way to spice up your love life. They also make for a fun and entertaining game. They have a history that dates back centuries. They can even be added to your favorite cocktail or beer for the gayest drink ever. However, when a bunch of dildos randomly wash up on a local Italian beach, many, many questions arise.

Volunteers were the first to spot a handful of dildos washed up on the shores of the Hermitage of Camaldoli, a monastery near the port of Naples. The volunteers were part of the Licola Mare Clean Association, an organization dedicated to keeping the beaches clean. This specific Napolitan beach is well known for an unsettling amount of trash which washes up on shore. The Sun spoke with Association president Umberto Mercurio, who said “because of the way sea currents flow, a lot of rubbish frequently ends up in the beauty spot. This channel leads to the very end of its course.”

When discussing first seeing the array of dildos, one volunteer told The Sun, “when we saw them we started to laugh because we could not do anything else.” Due to this unexpected arrival of sex toys, authorities were forced to ban children from the beach for an indefinite amount of time, while they investigate the situation.

All of this leads us to one very important mystery: How did over twelve dildos wash up on shore at the exact same time?

Was someone’s sex toy collection just so large that they thought the only manageable way to control it was by chucking a bunch of overused ones into the depths of the ocean? Was there a wild, dildo-fling sex party on a boat, that we didn’t get the invite to? Were there some shenanigans going on at the monastery that needed an immediate disposal of “the evidence”?  Are there sexy Italian mermen who forgot to put away their dildos after a night of raucous fun? I guess we’ll never know.