Kegels For Hegel: Nerdy Songs About Having Sex With Philosophers

Kegels For Hegel: Nerdy Songs About Having Sex With Philosophers

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NOTE: The video above is NSFW because of boobs and an old-timey cock shot.

During the OUTsider queer arts festival in Austin last month, we caught a musical set by Kegels for Hegel, a conceptual, DIY, art-music duo comprised of two anonymous performers who go by La Doctora and La Profesora. Neither one has any formal music training, but along with collaborators Lauren Klotzman and MC Tyte they create some of the nerdiest “smutcore” songs with titles like “Death by 1,000 Fucks” and lyrics like “I want to synthesize all over your face.”

Their schtick is to “pervert” philosophers by singing songs about wanting to fuck them. The songs serve two purposes: first, to introduce listeners to famous philosophers and to use their philosophies to express complicated feelings about desire. As a result, each song becomes both educational and sexual, affectionate yet ambivalent, each one an exploration of how sexual longing feeds into larger systems of knowledge and abuse.

For example, in the video above dedicated to Enlightenment philosopher Georg Wilhelm Hegel , the women sing about the duality of love — particularly the slave/master dynamic — with a nod to Hegel’s concept of synthesis (that is, combining two opposing forces to create something new). The chorus:

“I wanna fuck you to the death / I wanna fight you to the death… / I want to synthesize / synthesize / synthesize / all over your face.”

In the video, a cum facial follows this. It’s quite heady and sexy, but nerds will get wet with anxiety as La Doctora and La Profesora croon about modern attraction in all its tense and intellectual varieties. Plus their videos sometimes feature genderqueer folks getting handsy with one another, a joy we haven’t experienced since partying with GAYmous.

Pastelgram has an interactive site where you can explore more of Kegels for Hegel’s delightfully weird art and music. You can also enjoy some of their work below (with our brief explanation of the philosophy behind each).

The video below takes Jacques Derrida’s concept of “deconstruction” — that is, the belief that we can only really know what something is by dismantling its widely accepted meanings — and applies it to flirtation. The song is wryly called “Obviously.”

And here’s their most recent video, a collaboration with Biz Vicious entitled “Kinsey Grade Killers”. It’s a song about sexual compulsion and the joys of sliding up and down Alfred Kinsey’s big old sexual-orientation continuum — HAWT.

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