It’s no secret — we’ve been loving Riverdale, the gloriously trashy CW teen soap starring the Archie Comics gang. If you haven’t seen it and are picturing the bright primary colors of the Double Digests you used to get at the supermarket as a kid, think again. The Riverdale in the show is a dark, moody town full of intrigue, murder and sex. And Archie’s gay pal isn’t left out of the fun; in the latest episode we see Kevin Keller cruising.
Before we go any further — be warned: There will be spoilers for the latest episode. So if you were planning on watching it this weekend, why not go read this article about Daniel Radcliffe’s bare bottom?
In the episode, “The Water in the Woods,” Kevin is cruising in Fox Forest, near lovers’ lane. When he hears gunshots, he discovers that a gunman fired on Moose and Midge making out. Though Kevin’s a hero, his friends discover what he’s been doing at night.
His best friend, Betty Cooper, is concerned for Kevin’s safety. She confronts him at school — where her conversation is overheard by Cheryl Blossom, the Archie gang’s frenemy.
To be fair, Betty’s main objection isn’t just the cruising — she’s more concerned with the fact that there’s a serial killer going around Riverdale. Kevin’s not swayed, and keeps going into the forest… until Betty and Cheryl confront him on one of his “night runs.”
The confrontation scene shows why Riverdale is so watchable. Instead of a teary “oh, gosh, you’re right, I’ve been so wrong and I will change my ways posthaste!” series, Kevin calls her out on her hypocrisy.
Look, we’ve been friends for a long time and you still have no idea. You act like we have the same set of options, but we don’t! You live in this pale, pink world of milkshakes and first kisses, and am I going to date Archie or Jughead.
In a metatextual call out, Cheryl adds “Except for when she’s Dark Betty!” referring to episode 3 where Betty dresses in bondage gear and almost boils Chuck Clayton alive in a jacuzzi over sexual harassment. (Not gonna lie, that episode was awesome.) But Kevin continues:
Right, right, right! Except for when you’re exploring your BDSM sexuality — which, again, you’re allowed to do! But I’m not! Because why? This is what I’ve got, Betty. Me, these woods. So please don’t come here and tell me it’s disgusting. If you can’t accept what I do, whatever I do, then we’re just… we’re not really friends.
Riverdale hasn’t been kind to Kevin when it comes to his love life. In a brief scene in season 1, Kevin hooked up with Moose. Later that season, he started going out with Joaquin, a gang member. But it turned out Joaquin was using him and ended up being put on a bus to San Junipero.
But all’s not lost — in an interview, Kevin’s actor Casey Cott says Kevin’s getting a boyfriend. Who will it be? We’ll just have to see. (But is it wrong that we kinda ship Kevin/Moose?)