Oh, Pastor James David Manning, you’re so lovely! Whoops — not lovely. Horrible. Always get those confused.
Yep, Manning’s at it again. He’s most (in)famously known as the “Harlem hate pastor” whose church signs include epithets about “fag lesbos” and the declarations like “Jesus would stone homos,” though you might remember him from greatest hits as outing Justin Bieber as a transman, explaining how sodomy leads to cannibalism, and, of course, blowing the lid off the Starbucks semen latte scandal.
The newest from this crack investigative journalist (or, perhaps this investigative journalist on crack*) is the revelation on the syndicated AM radio program Trunews, that Justice Anthony Kennedy was blackmailed by his gay lover to make marriage equality the law of the land.
In fact, Manning claims that the blackmail not only affected Justice Kennedy… but perhaps even all five Justices — they only decided in favor of love out of fear they’d be exposed!!! If Manning is right, this may even lead to the end of life in America (because that’s all the life that matters) in just 50 short years.
Clearly we need to act, lest we become a nation of gay-marrying, semen-coffee guzzling cannibals.
Or, you know, we could not act and things’ll turn out fine.
* Totally a Conan O’Brien reference. TEAM COCO ‘TIL I DIE!