I’ve known Michael Strahan as a defensive end for the New York Giants. I’ve known Michael Strahan as a gap-toothed pop culture staple. I’ve also known Michael Strahan as the co-host to a plucky Kelly Ripa on Live! With Kelly and Michael but on Sunday, July 5, I got to know Michael Strahan as a man.
I decided to go see Magic Mike XXL for my birthday and quite a gift it was for me. I watched the first Magic Mike when it came out in 2012 and was completely underwhelmed. I didn’t think a sequel was necessary because the first film was missing a key ingredient: stripping. Everyone remembers Channing Tatum’s Mike character grinding to Ginuwine’s “Pony”, but aside from that highlight, the first film honestly fell short.
As I watched the second film though, it was already panning out better than the first and had all the elements the original lacked. Magic Mike XXL had a plot, was funnier and featured a scene with Joe Manganiello in a gas station convenience store that I was sure would be the biggest and best highlight in the film — that is, until the guys get to Georgia.
Once they reach Georgia, Mike is slapped in the face by his stripper past when they arrive at a stripper mansion where we later find out how Mike got his magic. In each room of the mansion, a burly beefcake of a man is stripping down for the packed house filled with women. One room in particular caught my attention. The room featured Strahan’s character, Augustus, starting his routine.
My initial thoughts were, “Well, this is awkward” because, as a big sports fan, I really only think of Strahan suited up, either in football pads or an actual suit; never with such a little amount of clothing. Honestly it started off just as I assumed it would; awkward. Soon enough the awkward feelings transformed into feelings of attraction.
Strahan is 18 years my senior and was never on my radar as a man I found attractive, but as I watched him flip, spin and grind on this lucky woman I thought, “Why is this not happening to me?”
I sat in a theater with women hooting, hollering and clapping but I (barely) kept my composure. Augustus’ moves left my mouth agape. At some point, clothed in tiny gold shorts, he climbs atop his prey, thrusts his hips and — I black out.
I honestly have no idea what happened at the end of that dance. The next thing I remember was Augustus walking away, leaving me in the most confusing trance I have ever been in. What did this all mean? A movie featuring studs like Joe Manganiello, Channing Tatum and Matt Bomer and here I am lusting over Michael Strahan? His cameo could not have been any longer than five minutes but the three of the five minutes where I remained conscious are ingrained in my mind.
I still can’t shake the feelings I had sitting in that movie theater and now I find myself spending my days on Strahan’s Instagram and Twitter accounts hoping to get another fix. I had high hopes for Magic Mike XXL but never did I think the XXL Strahan would be the Magic Mike I desired.
(featured image via Live! With Kelly and Michael)
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