bike balls
bike balls

Move Over Truck Nuts, There’s Now Bike Balls!

Truck nuts (aka Truck nutz, BumperBalls, CargoNads, Trucksticles, or, our favorite, Bumper Bollocks) are one of those cultural phenomena that just seem kinda tastelessly strange. If you’ve somehow avoided them, they’re plastic testicles you can hang on the back hitch of a truck.

They do serve some purpose: they’re a handy way to identify your truck in a lot, much like putting a foam rubber dong on your antenna, but they’re also help illustrate that your vehicle is an extension of your dick — not only a compensating for your tiny weiner but also an aggressive advertisement that you have “the balls” to drive as badly as you like.

But what if you ride a bike? Bikes, unlike motor vehicles, can be much harder to spot in a crowd, and truck nuts are too large and heavy to dangle from your banana seat. Without nuts though, how will people know that you and your bike have “balls”?

Thanks to a new Kickstarter that’s made its goal four times over (with more than two weeks left to go), you can get Bike Balls! And they light up, even!

bike balls, truck nuts, bike safety, light
OK, truth time: The light aspect is really cool. Not gonna lie. It actually kicks out a lot of light, and the movement gets people to notice. Safety-wise, this is legit.

Kickstarter success aside, it remains to be seen whether or not Bike Balls have the cultural cachet of truck nuts. After all, truck nuts have been banned in a few states, consequently finding truck nuts in the middle of a free-speech-versus-pornography debate.

Even discounting the legal troubles and questionable taste, truck nuts are an indelible part of our culture. Truck nuts have had songs written about them:

Launched countless stand-up routines:

And even appeared in Matthew Barney’s Cremaster Cycle:

So, my advice to the Bike Balls people? Hook up with some bike-friendly artists, and see if they can make Bike Balls as famous as we, as a nation, made truck nuts.

Please.

Do it for bike safety.

Do it for the culture.

Do it for the plastic light-up balls.

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