Noah Galvin Sets Gay Hollywood On Fire, Immediately Apologizes

Noah Galvin Sets Gay Hollywood On Fire, Immediately Apologizes

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Openly gay 22-year-old Noah Galvin — a person we’d honestly never heard of until this week — is a “anxiety-ridden, neurotic, nebbishy Jew actor” (his words, not ours) who plays Kenny, a 16-year-old who comes out to his school and religious family in ABC’s The Real O’Neals (a show the Catholic League and One-Million Moms failed to get cancelled for its gay content). Galvin gave an ultra-spicy interview to Vulture where he called Colton Haynes’s coming out “pussy bullshit”, wrote off Modern Family’s Eric Stonestreet for “gay minstrelsy” and accused gay X-Men director Bryan Singer of molesting young boys. Galvin then apologized nine hours after the interview came out (uh-huh). But were his words hot tea or just professional jealousy? You decide!

Beyond the bitchiness, Galvin’s interview is worth reading because it shows a young person who is totally over the fake, noncommittal world of Hollywood, full of folks who alternately hide their true feelings about homosexuality and then reject others for it. The entire process of evasion and rejection sounds so maddening and it’s rare that we get a professional’s look into that shitty, frightened and intensely homophobic world. So kudos for that.

For a while he talks about how gay activist Dan Savage gives him advice for dealing with teens who tweet him about their coming-out hardships. He also discusses what it was like coming out to his mom (she was apparently thrilled… like, “OMG, I’ve always wanted a gay BFF” thrilled).

Galvin soon begins talking shit, and we’ll get to that quickly. But before going into full-on salty mode, he actually says something really insightful about the social importance of a gay person playing a gay role on mainstream TV:

It’s important to me that with this slightly revolutionary thing we’re doing on network television that I should go full force and follow through as completely as possible. And it’s paid off in ways. In terms of, like, the kids who watch my show and say thank you for being open about who you are, and playing this character, and bringing a level of authenticity that maybe somebody else wouldn’t have. I like to think it makes it that much more relatable. And older people who watch the show are like, damn, I wish I had something like this on TV when I was younger to normalize my situation and make me not so self-hating.

Soon after pooping out this nugget of wisdom, Galvin lights Colton Haynes on fire:

It’s interesting because you know Colton Haynes …
Do I …

Do you?
The worst.

But you know he talked about coming out. He didn’t actually say he was gay.
That’s not coming out. That’s fucking pussy bullshit. That’s like, enough people assume that I sleep with men, so I’m just going to slightly confirm the fact that I’ve sucked a dick or two. That’s not doing anything for the little gays but giving them more masturbation material.

Masturbation material? Does Galvin have a crush on Haynes? To be clear, we totally disagree with Galvin here. Colton Haynes came out three times and was basically forced back into the closet by his homophobic advisers and marauding fans. Galvin is entitled to his own feelings, but even he later admitted that it’s no one’s place to tell someone when and how to come out. It’s ignorant and misunderstands the personal complexity of coming out. A person’s coming out may occur in a seemingly slow, ugly and stupid way, but it’s an inherently personal decision and telling someone else how to come out is like telling a flower how to bloom.

Straight actor Eric Stonestreet plays the gay character Cam in ABC’s “Modern Family”

Anyway, Galvin then moves on to writing off straight actor Eric Stonestreet’s Modern Family character as inauthentic:

“I’ve thrown Eric Stonestreet under the bus a solid seven times this week. No, I think as wonderful of an actor as Eric Stonestreet is — I’ve never met him, I assume he’s a wonderful guy — he’s playing a caricature of a caricature of a stereotype of stereotype on Modern Family. And he’s a straight man in real life. And as hilarious as that character is, there’s a lack of authenticity. I think people — especially young gay kids — they can laugh at it, and they can see it as a source of comedy, but like, nothing more than that.”

Openly gay X-Men director Bryan Singer and Michael Egan, the man who accused him of child sexual abuse.

And then he set gay director Bryan Singer on fire with this totally sue-worthy comment about Singer molesting children:

“Yeah. Bryan Singer likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them in the f—ing dark of night. [Laughs.] I want nothing to do with that. I think there are enough boys in L.A. that are questionably homosexual who are willing to do things with the right person who can get them in the door. In New York there is a healthy gay community, and that doesn’t exist in L.A.”

His comments on Singer are particularly damning considering the 2014 accusations of Michael Egan, an actor who accused Singer of sexually abusing him when he was a minor. Egan ended up dropping that lawsuit and later pled guilty to fraud in an unrelated case. But before dropping the case, Singer’s lawyer curiously offered $100,000 to settle the case out of court, an offer which suggests that Singer was eager to sweep Egan’s accusations under the rug rather than have them publicly aired in court.

Vulture ended up deleting the Singer quotation (probably to avoid a round of lawsuits) aaaaaaaaaaaaaand then Galvin turned around and immediately apologized by 6pm CST (barely nine hours after the interview hit the web). So predictable.

And then Colton Haynes responded:

Here’s the deal: Galvin’s totally allowed to apologize, especially regarding his potentially litigious comments about Singer, and yeah he was unfair about Haynes’ coming out. But the entire interview was refreshingly candid, even if it was unfair.

A lot of people hate Stonestreet’s Modern Family character, find Singer and the rumored Holywood sex parties reprehensible and rolled their eyes at Hayne’s third coming out, especially since Haynes was obviously gayer than Christmas between his first and second one. Galvin’s not the only person who thinks this way, he’s just the only celebrity willing to admit it and that sort of honesty — while unfair and abrasive — at least provides a warty and unshaven look at a world where everyone else plays nice and hides how they really feel.

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