passive-aggressive gift teaser

Gift Guide 2017: 10 Passive-Aggressive Presents Perfect for Your Frenemies

Gifts are typically given around the holidays to our most beloved friends and family — to those near and dear to us who always have our back and provide moral support when we’re feeling low. But what about those moments when a passive-aggressive gift is in order?

Sometimes we find ourselves gift-shopping for people who aren’t our besties, either because of tired social mores or that damn yearly office Secret Santa. Whether you’re shopping for someone you can’t stand, a co-worker with serious boundary issues (no one wants to hear about your IBS issues, Janet) or a bestie you’re downright shady to, here are quality gifts perfect for dropping a hint.

Here are 10 passive-aggressive presents, ranked in order of ultimate shadiness:


10. For the Flip-Flop Wearer: Nike Zoom Train Command Sneakers

passive-aggressive gift sneakers

Shoes aren’t the typical Christmas gift for a friend, but when you constantly give your friend a hard time for trying to pull off flip-flops outside the house (or beach), some sophisticated sneaks are in order. These Nikes are sporty yet versatile — wear them to the gym, supermarket or for a night out if you’re so bold — and, since your friend clearly requires as little effort as possible with his footwear, these can be slipped on and off with ease. $110


9. For the Consistently Late: Timex x Todd Snyder Blackjack Watch

passive-aggressive gift watch

What better way is there to passive-aggressively tell your friend (or frenemy) that he’s always late — and that pisses you off — than by getting him a watch? We’re not talking about a timepiece that’ll set you back a paycheck (or a salary), but something that’s still a handsome piece of wrist jewelry. Like this one by Timex in collabo with Todd Snyder, “an homage to the stylish drivers of Formula One in the 1960s and ’70s. (Don’t ask us. We don’t know jackshit about cars.) $138


8. For the Red Solo Cup Lover: Bormioli Rocco Cassiopea Glassware

passive-aggressive gift glassware

This isn’t college anymore, which means there’s no reason you should be drinking a cocktail out of a red Solo cup. Full stop. Glassware runs relatively cheap, which means it’s a great way — albeit a passive-aggressive one — to help your buddy get the hint. These are stylish and inexpensive, courtesy of West Elm. $30 for a set of 6


7. For the Cheapskate: George Copper Flask

passive-aggressive gift flask

Most of us have that one friend who’s always broke. Maybe they’re currently looking for work; maybe they just spend all their disposable income on pot. Either way, it can be a pain when your buddy can’t go bar-hopping with the crew. Get him this four-ounce flask from CB2, which looks much more expensive than it is (always a plus). Made of copper, it’ll age nicely, and it comes with a mini-funnel for easy refilling. $30 (but on sale now for $25)


6. For the Annoyingly Unorganized: Hobonichi A6 Techo Planner Book

passive-aggressive gift planner

Let’s be clear: These days most people use their phones to stay organized, but if you’re looking for a passive-aggressive way to tell your friend that he needs to get his shit together, you can’t really go wrong with a planner-calendar-organizer thingy. This one is sleek AF, and it’s super popular in Japan, a country renowned for people who don’t play around with punctuality. $33


5. For Your Stinky-Home Friend: Muji Ultrasonic Aroma Diffuser

passive-aggressive gift diffuser

Does your friend’s place look like something out of a Hoarders episode? Even worse, does it smell like a Hoarders home? Drop him a hint with this essential oil diffuser by Muji, a brilliant Japanese brand that sells everything from home goods and apparel to food. (The name, roughly translated, means “no-brand quality goods.”) This diffuser is gonna benefit you just as much as him. $56


4. For Your “Tired” Friend: DR. JART+ Bright Lover Rubber Mask

passive-aggressive gift mask

You’d never tell your friend that he’s looking older than dirt these days (maybe “a little tired,” but only if he asks). Depending on how well you know this friend — and how hard he can slap — opt for this mask, which in addition to being Allure mag’s “Best of Beauty award winner” looks pretty damn cool. It’s supposed to brighten and correct uneven skintone, improve complexion and revitalize — all the facial mask keywords you’d want. $12


3. For the Undersexed: Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit

passive-aggressive gift fleshlight

Is your friend not getting any action? Has it turned him into a grumpy old biddy? Let him know in a passive-aggressive way by gifting him this Fleshlight, referred to as the “Stamina Training Unit” because the ‘canal’ inside is extra tight, with large bumps for added pleasure. If he’s not gonna get off with another guy in the room, at least you can make sure he’s getting off solo. $77


2. For the Selfie-Obsessed Instagram Fanatic: Rag & Bone Standard Issue Cotton-Jersey T-Shirt

passive-aggressive gift shirt

Giving someone a T-shirt seems pretty innocuous, no? Well, not when it’s gifted with a card on top that reads: “Ever heard of a shirt? Now you have one.” Instagram has turned many gay men into perpetually shirtless selfie monsters. Here’s a great way to clapback. Consider it doing something great for society at large. $75


1. For the Friend Who Smokes Like a Chimney: BrightWhite Smile Teeth Whitening Light

passive-aggressive gift teeth

If your cigarette-loving friend is vain enough, it’s the secondary side-effects of smoking — like yellowing teeth and deeper frown lines — that are gonna make him finally put down the pack. Speed up the inevitable by dropping him a hint that he’s in need of teeth whitening. This device uses light technology for what’s supposed to be fast and long-lasting results. Does it work? Who knows? You’re gifting this to make a point, after all. $25


Featured image by feedough via iStock