Pretty Soon, All The Cool Kids Will Be Semen-Vaping
A few days ago, a now-private YouTube video showed a man named Brad smoking his friend’s semen in a $68 bet.
In the video, Brad reveals a small ramekin of his friend’s day-old spunk, puts it in his vaporizer, takes a huge, mamma-jamma hit, and exhales a billowing cloud of jis-smoke before immediately running towards the bathroom; his friends reminding him that puking will violate the bet’s 50-page contract.
Would-be semen smokers had their hopes dashed however when proclaimed semen donor Ken Callaway revealed the stunt as a hoax for an upcoming documentary called The Gullibility of the Internet. Turns out the “semen” wasn’t semen at all — just a mix of sardine juice and vegetable glycerin (which almost sounds worse, in a way).
Keep in mind, the documentary may be complete bullshit as well. Yeah, the stunt got some unquestioning web-press, but the original video only had 30,000 views before being set to private, hardly a viral phenomenon worthy of a feature-length documentary.
What’s probably not bullshit though is the likelihood that these internet pranksters have inspired a copycat to actually smoke someone’s jism (hopefully their own), bringing to life a decadent new fetish: jis-vaping. Forget barebacking and blowjobs — if you really like someone, ingest their semen through an electronic vaporizer. Let them enter your bloodstream rather than just your stomach or colon, then exhale their sweet man-milk through your fish-scented nostrils.
We could see an entire market around this: vaping shops could offer the high-end jism of celebrities, athletes, and endangered animals; heterosexual women and gay men could publicly smoke it as a bold way of asserting their sexuality; straight men could enjoy it without completely losing their straight-cred (“I’m just open-minded, brah!”). Though actual semen though would likely ruin a vaporizer, as it crusts over and adds a fishy flavor to electronic smoking implement.
If anyone out there has $68 and a finger bowl full of spunk, grab a gullible, cash-strapped friend and have them smoke your pearl jam — we’d love to hear the results. And when you’re enjoying those swirling clouds of vaporized spunk, play the song below — it’ll be our official jis-vaping anthem.
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Daniel Villarreal is managing editor of Unicorn Booty. You can follow him via Twitter and Tumblr.