Could today be the straightest “holiday” in existence? With that in mind, we’ve decided to help ‘queer things up a bit’ by pointing you in the direction of queer valentines that tackle the patriarchal constraints of heteronormativity and unleash your inner rainbow onto the world. Sound fun? Send one of the queer valentines below to someone you love. Or like. Or lust after.
But first, a look back on where Valentine’s Day came from.
February 14 wasn’t declared “St. Valentine’s Day” until the year 496 (thanks, Pope Gelasius I), but the holiday — like nearly everything we love — actually originates in Ancient Rome.
Lupercalia was a celebration of fertility, commemorated every year on Feb. 15, but as with most pagan traditions, it’s since been bastardized pretty hard.
For proof, just take a look at what we have today: Valentine’s Day has become a sappy, heteronormative marketing scheme led by chocolate manufacturers and greeting card companies. While the sentiment may be worthwhile — a day to celebrate and honor your ability to hold down a loving relationship (no easy feat, sure) — we’re flat-out sick of seeing red and pink-colored heart shapes at every turn.
Most frustrating, though, Valentine’s Day is just so damn … straight.
Sure, some companies have started to think outside the ‘straight folk’ box. But where are the treacly valentine cards for polyamorous relationships? We wanna see valentines with twinks and leather daddies and big ol’ hairy bears and butch dykes!
So we’ve made the conscious decision to get super gay. This Valentine’s Day, own your queerness loudly and proudly. Instead of a box of sugary candies or chocolate-covered strawberries, gift your man a Clone-A-Willy Kit, or something raunchy and fun.
Even easier, let your man (or men, if you’re super lucky) know that you’re thinking of them by sending them one of these amazing queer valentines we’ve had commissioned by some of our favorite LGBTQ artists. Print ’em out, email ’em, send ’em via social media. Let the world know that Valentine’s Day isn’t just for straight people, dammit!
Here are 18 queer valentines just waiting to be sent to your loved ones:
Two valentines by Jason A. Quest, known for his JAQrabbit Tales series (website)
By Javier Larios (FB)
By Ian O’Phelan (Insta)
Five valentines by Curtis Bathurst of West Seattle Mini Bears (website)
Which of these queer valentines are your favorite?
Here’s hoping you have the most queer Valentine’s Day ever!
This story was originally published on Feb. 7, 2017