Trump Adviser and Babadook Impersonator Roger Stone Has Godawful Fashion Sense
Right-wing propagandist and Donald Trump adviser Roger Stone believes he is a hip fashion icon. He isn’t. Oh my Gaga he isn’t.
Still, his Twitter account and his style blog offer a remarkable look into what a decrepit Dickensian villain considers dapper. Let’s take a look at his extraordinary fashion sense.
Steampunk
To celebrate America’s regression to Gilded Age economic conditions and social attitudes, Stone dressed as a cartoon aristocrat. We suppose it’s meant to be a sort of “in-your-FACE-poor-people” gesture, but it doesn’t quite work. He looks like a capitalist from a Soviet propaganda comic.
The look was so goofy, it inspired a fantastic Twitter roast thread that went viral:
my dude looks like the babadook https://t.co/9d0C79q9Om
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) March 15, 2017
my boy looks like willy wonka if it took place during the industrial revolution and all the kids just straight up died
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) March 15, 2017
my man looks like he crawled out of a haunted who framed roger rabbit vhs
— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) March 15, 2017
Thousands of Twitter users found it hilarious. Stone did not:
Seriously @spookperson you are neither clever or funny.
— Roger Stone (@RogerJStoneJr) March 19, 2017
Black Panther Cosplay
Despite being a member of an enclave of white nationalists, Stone cannot resist the allure of radical black socialist 1960s fashion. Compare the above picture of him to this famous image of Black Panther Party founder Huey P. Newton:
The influence is clear: the leather jacket, the beret, the anger. But Newton made it work.
Newton was fighting against centuries of white supremacy and capitalist exploitation. Roger Stone is fighting against that absolutely dreadful peasant woman who dented the grille of daddy’s Porsche after young Mr. Stone slammed into her during a country drive after one too many Brandy Alexanders.
The Used Car Salesman
We’ve seen 19th century Roger and 1960s Roger. Now, let’s take a trip to the 1970s:
The definitive look at how @realDonaldTrump shocked the world to become President!
Order your copy now: https://t.co/hJDXThy3Bc pic.twitter.com/pxVBq9XK5A— Roger Stone (@RogerJStoneJr) January 8, 2017
Roger Stone straight-up looks like an extra from an episode of Columbo. He’d play a greasy used car salesman secretly running a chop shop, or an aging manchild who murders Aunt Mildred after she refuses to raise his allowance.
It should surprise no one that Roger Stone owns at least one fedora.
The Daddy’s Boy
Here, Roger Stone appears to be starring in an ‘80s body-switching comedy about a steel baron who trades his brain with a college frat boy’s. There’s so much going on here. The polo shirt under the blazer. The reappearance of the Dr. Doom glasses. And those shorts. Those unforgivably pink shorts (though Stone is probably insecure so he’d call them “salmon” or “desert rose” or something so as not to sound gay).
Cannibal Colonel Sanders
In this rumpled cream-colored jacket and his patented Creepy Glasses, Stone looks a bit like the KFC founder, only if it turned out he was putting something more … sinister in the fryer.
The Eleanor Rigby
EPIC #LeftistSpasm as more Russia allegations are easily debunked. This is the #NewMcCarthyism… pathetic! pic.twitter.com/DiFKqyjJBK
— Roger Stone (@RogerJStoneJr) March 12, 2017
Here, Stone dons a derby, perhaps hoping for a bit of classic British sophistication. But this style was associated with Stuffy Old Men even back into the early 1960s.
This is the outfit of the bureaucrat who scolds James Bond for seducing that Russian figure skater/assassin. That hat is meant to get knocked off one’s head by a snowball thrown by Ringo Starr.
What are thoooooooose?
Here, Roger Stone displays a footwear ensemble based on the décor of a 1970s swingers club.
In addition to being garish and unflattering, they look painfully tight. But Roger doesn’t need comfortable footwear; he’s generally conveyed about by a child laborer towing a rickshaw.
What have we learned from this?
Dragging Roger Stone’s ghastly sense of style is fun and all, but let’s get serious for a moment. There’s a lot to learn here.
First of all, we’ve learned just how bad your outfits get when the only gay man in your life is Milo Yiannopoulos.
But most of all, we’ve learned that no amount of money can buy taste. No matter how rich Stone is, he still looks terrible, like a more expensive version of those fedora-clad dorks who rant about SJWs on YouTube. Because coolness and style come from the inside, and all Roger J. Stone, Jr. has inside of him is a howling void.
(Images via Stone’s Twitter accounts)
