In the Saturday Night Live cold open, Donald Trump (Alec Baldwin) interrupts his own speech at a Harrisburg trucker rally so that he can instruct VP Mike Pence (Beck Bennett) to leave various places, including a gay wedding.
First, Trump asks Pence to leave a Colts game when the players kneel in protest during the national anthem. Next, he leaves a Starbucks because the cups don’t say “Merry Christmas.”
Trump later tells the homophobic conservative to walk out of a same-sex wedding. “Everything seems very respectful,” Pence reports from the ceremony. “I see the groom, he’s waiting patiently at the altar. And then I see—uh-oh, there’s another groom.”
“Get out of there, Mike!” Trump commands. “I know you hate this word, but abort!”
“Outrageous,” Trump says. “No one should disrespect the sanctity of marriage like that. As in says in my favorite verse in the Bible, Double Corinthians, marriage is between a man and a woman. Then another woman, then another woman, and maybe one more if you’ve got it in you.”
The Starbucks nod was inspired by a comment Donald Trump recently made at an anti-LGBT conference. He told the audience his administration was “stopping cold there attacks on Judeo-Christian heritage” and promised to decisively win the war on Christmas.
“We are getting near the beautiful Christmas season that people don’t talk about anymore,” Trump declared. “They don’t use the word ’Christmas.’”
Also during last night’s Saturday Night Live, the Weekend Update anchors finally tackled the subject of Harvey Weinstein after being silent on the matter during last week’s episode.
Colin Jost began that segment with a joke that started about emojis. He said, “Apple has announced that it will add hundreds of new emojis to its iOS system, including a person at a spa, a vomiting face and a shushing finger — finally giving emoji fans the ability to describe what it was like to work for Harvey Weinstein.”
Jost added: “Weinstein, who has been accused of multiple counts of sexual assault, is reportedly going to Europe for sex rehab. Somehow I don’t think that’s really going to help anybody. He doesn’t need sex rehab. He needs a specialized facility where there are no women, no contact with the outside world, metal bars and it’s a prison.”
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