stealthing condom sex

‘Stealthing’ During Sex Is the Ultimate Violation of Consent

This post is also available in: Español Français

“Stealthing” is when a person secretly removes their condom during sex or tampers with it beforehand to ensure skin-on-skin contact or ejaculation into another person’s body. It’s a form of sexual assault, a violation of consent and is happening between otherwise consenting sex partners.

In a paper recently published in The Columbia Journal of Gender and Law, Alexandra Brodsky, a scholar who has worked with the National Women’s Law Center and Yale Law School, wrote about the rise in stealthing and why it should be considered a sex crime: It violates consent and can result in costly pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections.

One stealthing fan, Mark Bentson, who runs the website iblastinside.com, wrote an appalling article instructing gay men on the best methods for stealthing. His introduction says:

How many times I’ve been at a sex club or an adult bookstore or during an online hook-up when a bottom hands me a condom then turns around, never to look back again. I’ve even been at a gloryhole when a bottom slips a condom on me then backs his ass up and never checks again to see if the condom is still on.

This implicit trust is by one party. I have not verbally acknowledged that I will use the condom.

Bentson then goes on to give 10 “stealthing tips” including ways to sneakily damage condoms, how to simulate ejaculation after you’ve already climaxed inside someone and ways for tops and bottoms to slip off condoms while diverting their sexual partner’s attention.

Some guys justify stealthing by saying that men have a natural urge to “breed” or “spread one’s seed,” Brodsky says. While her paper only examines heterosexual female stealthing victims, she adds that while many stealthing victims have also been raped, many do not see stealthing as a form of rape. Brodsky decidedly calls stealthing a “rape-adjacent” action and suggests that the legal system create new tort laws to help punish it since current sexual assault laws may not sufficiently cover the act.

Regardless of the justifications, Brodsky says that the enjoyment of stealthing comes from the secret degradation of the unaware partner: “You have no right to make your own sexual decisions, they are told. You are not worthy of my consideration.

(Featured image by diego_cervo via iStock Photography)