robot, machine, touch, sex, experiment, Asian
robot, machine, touch, sex, experiment, Asian

STUDY: Science Proves Humans Get Turned On By Touching Robots

Why we’re covering this: To us, sex and technology are like chocolate and peanut butter — we love combining both! Plus, it’s important to consider the social impact both will have as they become more intertwined.

Science has conclusively proven that one day we’ll all be robo-sexuals having sex with robots. Researchers at Stanford University in California had 10 humans (four women and six men) sit next to a slutty two-foot-tall robot that asked them to touch 13 of its body parts with their “dominant hand” — kinky! Meanwhile, a sensor on their non-dominant hand gauged their skin’s electroconductivity, that is, the literal “electric” feeling people experience when aroused.

Researchers found low electroconductivity when humans touched unsexy parts like the robot’s ear or hand, but high electroconductivity when humans touched the robot’s plastic buttocks or smooth robo-groin, something researchers called “an indicator of physiological, and perhaps emotional, arousal.”

Considering that robots are predicted to be indistinguishable from humans by 2050, we can soon expect humans to regularly get it on with robotic sex workers which, according to one futuristic site, will reduce STD risks, end sex trafficking and add years onto our lives as we lessen our stress levels and strengthen our immune systems through back-to-back robo-rgasms.

Granted, all this raises serious ethical questions. Considering that “robot” comes from a root word meaning “slave”, it’s unclear whether robot lovers will merely be modern sex slaves. Should we allow people to have sex with robots designed to look like children or animals? Also, how will companies respond to consumers trying to fuck non-sex robots, like robots designed for customer service in banks and hotels? One Japanese robot producer, for example, threatened to punish any customers who tried to fuck their robots or change their electronic voices into something more sexy.

Considering the sad fate of Hitch-bot — the shitty, Canadian hitchhiking robot (made out of a garbage can and pool noodles) that got beaten up, dismembered and left on a Philadelphia roadside  — one can hardly hope humans will treat a sex robot much better; don’t forget, as Robyn reminds us below, robots have feelings too.

Naturally, it’ll only be rich people who get their own sex-bots. The rest of us who can’t afford robots will have to hump our cars or office coffee makers in a sad simulacrum of intimacy and love — THE FUTURE IS COMING AND IT’S COVERED IN RUST AND CROTCH SWEAT!