The Onion News and Stories
The long-lived satirical newspaper announced this week that it has printed its last edition.
Shocking no one, Justice Scalia was on the wrong side of today’s Marriage Equality vote. But does he even realize he’s the bad guy? Has he watched movies?
A blast from the past from The Onion that is still quite topical and relevant today. I know what you’re saying: Brandon, you’re just perpetuating the stereotype that homosexuals are superhuman. That is totally not true. All I’m saying is, with their boundless energy and talents, they make us straight[…]
Mom, Dad, there’s something we have to talk about. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know that while I’m fully aware this might be difficult for you to hear, remember, I am still your son, and I love you very much:[…]
Yes, yes, one thousand times YES. GOTHAM CITY—Supervillain Lady Gaga brazenly abducted Commissioner James Gordon from a charity fundraiser Tuesday, leaving police baffled and the citizens of Gotham fearing for their safety. Known for her outlandish costumes and geometric polygon hair, the criminal madwoman made a daring escape from Arkham[…]
BOSTON—During a widely publicized press conference at the Boston University School of Medicine Friday, researchers announced a breakthrough new technique that cures homophobia by immersing patients in a large glass tank overflowing with gays. “Rather than avoid one’s fear of homosexual men, we believe it’s crucial to face it head[…]
“Today was a historic day in Pennington. The entire town turned out to honor Paul Webster, the area’s one gay man, with Pennington’s first ever gay pride parade.” Paul, a 33-year-old hardware store owner was too shy to ask for a parade, but that didn’t stop almost 2,000 residents from[…]