The Onion News and Stories

Entertainment
Satirical Newspaper “The Onion” Calls It Quits

The long-lived satirical newspaper announced this week that it has printed its last edition.

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News
Justice Thomas To Justice Scalia: Are… Are We The Baddies?

Shocking no one, Justice Scalia was on the wrong side of today’s Marriage Equality vote. But does he even realize he’s the bad guy? Has he watched movies?

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Entertainment
Where Do Homosexuals Get All Their Energy?

A blast from the past from The Onion that is still quite topical and relevant today. I know what you’re saying: Brandon, you’re just perpetuating the stereotype that homosexuals are superhuman. That is totally not true. All I’m saying is, with their boundless energy and talents, they make us straight[…]

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Entertainment
‘Mom And Dad, I’m Gay And Also Stronger Than You, So Don’t Try Any Shit’

Mom, Dad, there’s something we have to talk about. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for some time, and I want you to know that while I’m fully aware this might be difficult for you to hear, remember, I am still your son, and I love you very much:[…]

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