The Reverend Arrested For Jerking Off In Front Of Kids Is Sorry, Y’all

The Reverend Arrested For Jerking Off In Front Of Kids Is Sorry, Y’all

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Cry me a river. And then pick up a paddle and get to rowing the heck out of our sight. We reported earlier in the week that the New Orleans Reverend famous for protesting the city’s Gay Pride festival, Southern Decadence, was arrested for masturbating while watching two children play in a public park in Metairie, Louisiana.

For some ungodly reason (See what we did there? Zing!), Reverend Grant Storms is giving curbside interviews about his arrest. Watch in equal parts horror and disbelief as he digs his hole deeper and deeper during his impromptu gab session. Our favorite part of the exchange goes a little something like this:

Reporter: You know Pastor, you’ve been very outspoken about gay people and about Southern Decadence.

Rev. Storms: And I apologize to them.

Reporter: Right. And you’ve used some really hateful rhetoric.

Storms: Sure.

Reporter: Do you understand the irony of you being here?

Storms: I understand the hypocrisy. I understand that clearly.

Storms blames his arrest on pride, so no, we’re going to go ahead and assume that he does not in fact understand anything clearly here. It wasn’t pride that got you arrested. It was masturbating in front of children. Bigots love to draw connections where none exist between homosexuality and pedophilia. Let’s throw “pride” in there, why don’t we? Pride: It will make you jerk off in front of children!

Do make sure to watch the part where Storms says, “I don’t think they seen me [sic] physically. I was real low in the van.” Nice! The only thing worse than the threat of man jerking off in front of kids is a man preying on them while camouflaging himself.

Storms told reporters, “I want to apologize and ask forgiveness.” Um…no. Forgiveness and the absolution of sin is something you God-fearing, church-going folk may believe in, but we gays know how to hold a grudge. And when you aggressively protest our Pride festivals, and hoot and holler about how we’re going to hell, we don’t forgive and we don’t forget.

Have fun spending the rest of your life alerting your neighbors that you’re a sex offender. Creep.

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