A Homo Honey’s Guide to Pride: 5 Ways to Survive the Slurry and Blurry Marathon

A Homo Honey’s Guide to Pride: 5 Ways to Survive the Slurry and Blurry Marathon

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Fresh off a three-month residency, New York based performer Tori Scott returns to Joe’s Pub at the Public for her annual Pride show “Making America Gay Again” on Saturday, June 23 at 7:00 p.m. Timed for New York Pride, the show takes audiences on a shameless journey that celebrates stiff drinks, bad decisions and the gay men who enable her.

Named “the Bette Midler of the new millennium” (Provincetown Magazine), Tori Scott shared with us her five ways to survive Pride. “As a straight ally, I look forward to celebrating Pride with my LGBTQ friends every June,” she explains to us. “But, as a lover of vodka, past Pride weekends have ended in a very blurry and slurry mess. After years of celebrating, I have figured out the best ways to survive the weekend without a blackout.”

1. Don’t forget to eat

Pride is the ultimate Sunday Funday. It’s a marathon, not a sprint! So, do as marathon runners do, and fill your tummy up before the big race to sustain yourself throughout the day! It won’t matter how hot your abs look if you are a sloppy mess. A liquid diet ain’t a good look on Pride!

2. Drink water (in between vodka sodas)

Gay bars are very generous with their pours. I’ve discovered this the hard way (face down on the bar at Pieces after too many vodka soda’s during Drag Queen Bingo). Vodka, water, vodka, water…. you will thank me the next day!

3. Skip the cigs

While a lot of people have quit smoking, it’s very enticing to want a cigarette when drinking. This is a horrible habit! Do not, I repeat, do not give in to the urge to have a cigarette with a hot stranger just because you are drunk. Your hangover is worse when you smoke. I am speaking from experience, but also, it’s a scientific fact! Trust science.

4. Say no to shots

Shots. Are. The. Devil. Shots will guarantee you blackout. Again, I am speaking from experience. Say this as a mantra before you head out to celebrate Pride so that even when you are drunk and happy and thinking that buying a round of shots for everyone in your group is a great idea, your brain will stop yourself and remind you that shots are, in fact, the devil.

5. Take a sick day

If you are like me, you are not going to take any of this advice. You are going to live your best life on Sunday and feel rough on Monday. Do yourself a favor and take a sick day. Instead of being a productive member of society, use the day to recover by ordering a bloody mary, going through all the amazing photos you took of everyone, and trying to remove all of the glitter you keep finding on your body.

Happy Pride!

For tickets to Tori Scott’s Pride show “Making America Gay Again,” head here.

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