Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s
Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Troll Your Way Through Summer With These Fug-riffic Crocheted Shorts

With summer is on its way, many folks are thinking about working out, tanning, and finding the perfect swimsuit, but to hell with summertime perfection! We say, why not find an outfit that’ll wrap whatever body you have in loud gaudy colors and scream out, “Screw good taste, comfort, and perfection — I’m imperfect and have style to spare!”

That’s where Lord von Schmit’s fugly crocheted shorts come in. Made from recycled afghans (knit blankets and wraps), they’re so ultra-tacky that they’re terrific. Imagine showing up at a barbecue or pool party wearing something that looks stolen from your grandmother’s secret chest — the gawking, the staring, the whispers wondering how much crotch sweat your newfound knit pants generate.

He’s selling them on Etsy for $49 to $98 (and if you’re interested in a full-bodied fringe body suit the cost is $379). If that price us too much, you could always just strip down and wear your birthday suit instead — it’s free and no matter its shape or color, it’s always in fashion.

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

Schuyler Ellers, Lord von Schmitt, Etsy ,crochet, crocheted shorts, knit, colorful, men’s, women’s

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