Mistress Mia, dominatrix, bdsm, transexual, whip
Mistress Mia, dominatrix, bdsm, transexual, whip

VIDEO: I Submitted to a Transexual Dominatrix

Transexual dominatrix Mistress Mia doesn’t make her living whipping, electrocuting or humiliating people just to watch them suffer. She inflicts pain with the express purpose of helping clients forget their problems and find happiness. Even if she locks you in a cage and jabs you with a stick, her strikes won’t carry a hint of malice.

Speaking from personal experience, one only realizes the positive intention behind her strikes upon exiting her cage, some time after your chest stops smarting. While in her thrall, your thoughts may revolve around your earlier mistake in yelling about the sensitivity of your nips when she electrocuted them, because Mia’s accuracy  as she prods them now with a poker seems superhuman in its excruciating accuracy.

After spending most of her life as a fetishist, Mia set up shop as a professional dominatrix operating out of Dallas in 2008. Five years ago, her website states, she began taking a full course of female hormones.

Mainstream portrayals of gender-fluid characters and BDSM often paint an incomplete picture and lack nuance. The TV show Pretty Little Liars caught flack earlier this year for its clumsy handling of a character’s trans status. Music artists from Rihanna to The Sex Pistols put on bondage gear for aesthetic shock value or titillation.

I spoke with Mistress Mia about her thoughts as a transexual dominatrix and society’s perception of BDSM. After the interview, she demonstrated several techniques popular among her clients on me personally.

This transcript of the interview features light edits for clarity and grammar.

UNICORN BOOTY: What made you decide to become a dominatrix? Did you have a big “aha!” moment where you realized this profession was something you wanted pursue, or was it more of a gradual process?

MISTRESS MIA: You know, it was a gradual thing I would say. I was in the club scene, more of the goth club scene. I hate to even say that, because people have such stereotypes of it. Maybe I am still a little gothic, I don’t know.

I was very active in the club scene, and so I was around a lot of people that were dominatrixes themselves, like Domina Athena. She’s really famous here. She’s actually has since moved to California, but that’s cool. But anyways, I always looked up to her. I always thought it was such a cool thing to do that for a living.

I don’t know, I’ve always had leanings towards the fetish lifestyle and fun times.

So yeah, it was a gradual thing, over years. It was probably a good 10 years coming and I’ve been doing it since 2008 professionally.

In my personal life there was times when I was like, “You know, I’m just not submissive” because I’ve tried. I’ve tried to be submissive to women, to men, to whoever. It’s just never really worked out. It was always just a big mess, honestly.

So really being this way is the best for me and for everyone else around me.

How did you get the skills it takes to give your clients experiences that are as safe and enjoyable as possible? Are there classes people can take, is it more of an apprenticeship system where you learn under someone, or are you self-taught?

There are classes out there, and there are things like Dom-Con. A lady here in town does a thing called September Surrender. There are all kinds of places you can go and learn these things.

To me personally, though, it’s like driving a car. You can read a book about it, you can know all the rules involved, but until you drive that car, you’re just not going to know what it is.

I’ve taught myself most everything if not everything.

Mistress Mia, dominatrix, BDSM, leather, mask, woman, transwoman

Does it take a certain personality to do this kind of work, or could anyone do it if they really applied themselves?

There is a certain personality type, absolutely. You have to be a people person.

A misperception of what it is that I do, at least the way I do it, is that I’m very personable. You can talk to me, and I think that leads into a whole slew of other things. I need to be a person you can talk to, do you understand?

I need to be a person you can spill your guts to, tell me everything, because if you can’t tell me everything then we can’t have a real, honest session.

As far as anyone being able to do this job, really anyone can pick up a whip. Anyone can wear something sexy. It’s just like tattoos really. Anyone can get a tattoo, but there are some people who just should not have tattoos. You’ve seen them, my sister’s one of them. She’s got a bunch of them, and I’m like, really, they don’t look good on you, sorry.

I think the world and the universe itself has a way of making things right. There are girls that try, and they go and do something else because it’s just not for them. They’re like, “Oh! It’s a bunch of money,” or something. I’m not sure what it is in their mind.

When they see it’s a little more involved than that, they go and do something else.

Speaking of communication, how do you handle a situation where for instance a client asks you to do something you’re not comfortable with, or that they may not be ready for? How to do you deal with both your own comfort level and that of your clients?

My comfort level is directly related to their comfort level.

That’s another misconception, I think people that don’t know any better think it’s all about me. Interviewing for this thing, you think this is all about me.

These sessions we do, these things we do, it’s not about me at all. It’s about the client, his wants and needs, or hers, or their’s, less than my wants and needs. Do you understand?

It’s a real give and take, this whole thing. What I think personally doesn’t always come into play.

Whether I think they’re ready for it or not makes no difference. Because once they come in here and experience it, they’re going to know in their own mind whether they’re ready for it or not.

If they tell me they want to be whipped until they bleed, it’s probably what they’re going to get.

My personal comfort level? They wouldn’t even get through the door if I wasn’t comfortable with them. There’s a screening process. Not just to see if they’re a real person or not, or actually going to show up or not, but if we’re compatible.

That’s why we talk on the phone. Things get lost in email, they got lost in text. Within a few seconds of talking to you on the phone, I’ll know if we will connect.

Every job has its own unique sources of stress. What are some particular things about being a dominatrix that generate stress for you?

I deal with stress probably differently than most. I don’t get stressed. I don’t put myself in a position to really get stressed, do you understand?

I hate to give you that answer, but if something’s really going to be stressful I just don’t do it, or I avoid it, it just doesn’t happen. It’s honestly the truth.

Mistress Mia, dominatrix, BDSM, leather, mask, woman, transwomanSounds like you’re living a stress free life.

All the pieces just fell into place. If you love what you do, you don’t work a day in your life. It’s absolutely true for me, anyway.

Even the screening process?

Not stressful. I like people, I like to speak with people, I like to read them.

I know it sounds weird, but people are like birds. You know a peacock when you see it. Did you know that the peacock, you know with the big feathers and stuff? That’s the male. The female is some little mousy brown thing. That’s nature, I’m serious. I don’t make these things up.

How come you market yourself with the label “transexual dominatrix?” Lots of people view that term as outdated, or carrying a lot of negative connotations since it was used by the psychological community back in in the day to label transgender people as having some kind of mental illness. Why do you use it?

I would say it’s kind of like most things. I don’t know if society in general as a whole has caught up to the terminology, they know what a TS is, trust me they do. If I went into some sort of “genderqueer” or something, they don’t know what I’m talking about.

Really it’s just for simplicity in marketing purposes. TS works really good.

Transexual. I don’t know, it’s what I started out being all those years ago, and it’s what I still am today.

Side note to that: I don’t necessarily like labels at all whatsoever. I don’t like to label people because it’s bad, because then you get into this whole thing we have now where you don’t even know what to call someone. You just can’t do it without pissing somebody off.

It’s a strange dynamic, so really I don’t label people, I don’t try to pigeonhole them or stick them in a box. I would like the same courtesy, but they have to kind of know what you are.

No there’s no negative connotations, or at least there wasn’t back when I started being a transexual. There was no negative anything to it.

Would you say that there are fantasies and fetishes that only a transexual dominatrix can fulfill?

There is a very specific thing, and it’s not what you’re thinking.

[Points to latex suit]

This doesn’t come off. I actually put on more clothes during a session. Sexual acts just don’t happen. I like sexy, not necessarily sexual.

The one difference is just my sheer physical size, the volume of me. I’m 6’4”, 200 pounds, there is an element of actual real fear I think that I could physically hurt you if I wanted to. I’m not going to of course, but I do have to watch it sometimes with like a masochist-type session.

I really have to kind of be careful because I am stronger than a girl, and I am bigger than a girl. I’m sure there’s some 6’4” 200 pound girls out there, but I haven’t met too many of them, really.

I think the whole experience of being a smaller man next to a powerful woman, just a really tall, powerful, woman, confident too. You know, you have to have the confidence.

There is something there, something very sexy. I must be doing something right because I stay busy.

It seems like BDSM has always been on the fringes of popular culture, but lately you’ve got stuff like 50 Shades of Grey hitting the theaters. Has that influenced your business at all?

None whatsoever. I know you think B&D S&M is a new thing, but I promise you it’s not. I promise you it’s been around for a very long time.

These things like popular culture being okay with it all of a sudden… I actually don’t know how okay I am with it. These popular acts are kind of just capitalizing on what’s already there.

It’s the same thing like how Madonna does something, and then 20 years later Lady Gaga does something. You can see that it’s similar.

S&M and BDSM has been around as long as there’s been people, I’m sure. I can show you photos from the 20’s and 30’s, where there’s people wearing fetish boots. I try and do that on my Twitter sometimes, to show that this isn’t a new thing.

This isn’t something that Rihanna made up. Talented woman, I love the S&M video, I think it’s really cute. But does it change my life, does it change my business, does it change these dynamics? No. It changes nothing.

Britney Spears has done it in that “Toxic” video. She wore a red latex catsuit in that thing.

The whole schoolgirl fetish, really I think a lot of it stems from Britney Spears in that video. I get a lot of people asking for that, they want to be little schoolgirls and mistreated.

I think popular culture is coming around to stuff that’s already been here for a long time. Same way with marijuana, or gay people. Now it’s okay to be gay, but yesterday it wasn’t. Marijuana was illegal for a long time, but now it’s okay. It’s in movies, it’s on magazines, it’s whatever.

Popular culture, I do like the way it’s going. I do like this whole being free to express oneself thing. I think that’s a good deal.

People should smoke pot, be gay, and go see dominatrixes in my opinion.

video-i-submitted-to-a-transexual-dominatrix-7
Top (left to right): Irene Boss and Dita Von Teese. Bottom (left to right): Bettie Page and Louise Brooks.

Since BDSM has this historical basis, did you have any role models or people you learned about and enjoyed finding out about their history?

Role models, that’s a fun one. I do have a few, but they’re more modern.

Irene Boss, she’s been doing this a long time, and she’s super good at it, and I respect her. I would call her a role model. She works up north. She’s really got her stuff going. A lot of people in the community, they really admire her too.

People like Dita von Teese, she brings like a sexy, sensual look to it. I think people think this is an ugly thing, but it’s not ugly at all, it’s beautiful.

Bettie Page, of course. You wanna talk about history? She broke a lot of barriers with her work. It’s just now being appreciated, or maybe it was appreciated then. I don’t know. It’s pretty good stuff.

I have all kind of role models, even some people who aren’t in the scene at all, you know. Like Louise Brooks. She’s a really famous silent film star from the 20s, 30s. [Points at hair] She had this hair, the helmet hair, she was famous for it.

STU (Camera Operator Extraordinaire): What do you feel the most popular request you get is?

Probably sissy training. I won’t go too much into it, but that would be most popular. I do a lot of foot stuff.

[Looks at DANIEL] You look like a foot guy, honestly. Like you like stinky feet. I mean, really. I’m not even being funny.

DANIEL: … Oh.

STU: What am I? Do me, do me!

You probably wouldn’t like the answer you’d get.

STU: I find it cool regardless.

Oh yeah? It’s not something I offer, but you would enjoy small dick humiliation and face sitting.

STU: I’m gonna have to write that down!

DANIEL: Is that something you feel you have a talent for, looking at people and knowing what they’re into?

Sometimes yes, sometimes I’m completely wrong. I’d like to think that I have a talent for it.

Just like I told you earlier, people are like birds. You see ‘em and you recognize ‘em. You know what a crow looks like, you know what they are. The next time you see one you’re like, “That one’s a crow,” or, “That one likes to wear panties under his business suit.”

Every time I see a business suit, I know there are panties under there. I just know it from experience.

Going back to popular perception, what would you say the biggest misconception about the BDSM or kink community is?

I guess the biggest misconception for dominatrixes is that all you do is stand around and whip somebody. I go months without touching a whip. I use my hands a lot, but as far as whipping somebody until they bleed all the time, that’s just not true.

Most of my clients, and I would say 99% of them can’t even have marks on their body. They have jobs, and other stuff that they do, this isn’t their whole life. They’re not lifestylists.

They’re coming to a pro because they want to experience some of these things, and then they want to go home just as clean or just as dirty as when they walked in that door.

It sounds like people are coming here looking for almost a vacation of sorts, and mentally check out on a lot of their life.

That’s my job. My job is to take whatever that is you’ve got going on, and stop it. You’re not worried about the phone bill, I promise you. By the time I get done with you, you don’t even know your own name, if I’ve done my job right.

It’s like a roller coaster ride, but I’m not the rollercoaster. I’m more the tour guide. I’ll show you around the roller coaster. And push the button to start it, I don’t know.

It’s a fun job, but you’ve gotta know what it is. A lot of girls get into this, and they don’t know what they’re doing.

These guys, these girls, these couples, they come in looking to get away from their humdrum existence for just a minute. If they can only let that go for just a minute, then my job’s been done.

What’s the dynamic like between you and your client?

I’m a facilitator of fantasy. If you have a latex fantasy, I can make that happen in real life, I can facilitate that fetish. If you have a thing for feet, I can do that.

I hate to say this because I think it sounds so cheesy, but I think if a professional dominatrix does it right, she can bring a dream to life. A thing you’ve only thought about.

Some people I see have thought about these things for 20, 30 years, and have never met someone they felt that they could confide in. After that, they make it into something that could actually be real, that could actually exist.

Last question – Have you ever listened to the song “Mama Mia” by ABBA while conducting a session?

[Points at stereo] You know, I actually have some ABBA on there. Absolutely yes.

It’s funny, because the iPod has a bunch of random music on it. Abba is funny when it comes on during a session, it’s kind of hilarious. It’s all serious and then ABBA.