VNYL ‘The Netflix Of Records’ Sucks. So Try NCRNBTY, Our New Music Service!

VNYL ‘The Netflix Of Records’ Sucks. So Try NCRNBTY, Our New Music Service!

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You may have heard about VNYL, the “Netflix For Vinyl” that’s been going around the blogosphere after a successful Kickstarter campaign. Stereogum has a great piece on it and how for $25 a month, you’re supposed to get three “hand-curated” records based on a “#Vibe.” #Vibes are basically mood-music for things like #Work or #DinnerParty or #BetweenTheSheets.

And as it turns out, what you actually get are three random bargain bin records from the 1960s and 1970s.

Like anyone, I’m baffled why this guy doesn’t want a #DanceParty of Peter, Paul & Mary, Henry Mancini and Glenn Miller. Hey, you can’t please everybody!

Seeing that VNYL’s gotten some great publicity from how horribly dissatisfied some of their customers are  – seriously, it’s gotten coverage all over from this, and there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right? – we at Unicorn Booty think we can top them.

As such, we are introducing NCRNBTY (consonant-only words are hip, you know). That’s right, for $50 a month, we will happily go to our local YouTube and post you a couple of vinyl hits we find in the digital bin! Sure, some of ’em might be good, but that’s the luck of the draw!

In fact, instead of making you choose from a selection of #vibes, I’ll let you send me ANY old hashtag! It’ll be up to you to determine the secret connection between Petra’s Beat the System and #NotAllMen!

In fact, to give you a taste of the brilliant pairings, here’s the album that goes with a few of the trending topics on Twitter!

#CrystalPalace – What goes better with some soccer thing than Donovan’s Slow Down World, home of no hits and the recipient of a golden C+ rating from Robert Christgau!

#WeWant1DDayAgain – It’s well known that if you like One Direction, you’re sure to love Pablo Cruise! Is Pablo Cruise a dude? A band? Who knows! That’s the fun of the mystery!

#edcampyyc – I don’t even know what this means! But I bet an album of the Association’s greatest hits will go with it! Or not!

NCRNBTY does not take returns, nor will we issue refunds, even if some months we forget to post new music and instead post a picture of a 12″ square piece of cardboard with “SORRY” scrawled on it!

Enroll today! Send $50 for your first month, plus $75 shipping and handling! We accept Linden Dollars, Dogecoin and Beenz. For added fun, be sure to include a list of your record collection! It won’t change what we send you, and we probably won’t even look at it, but you’re welcome to share it with us!

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