World To End May 21; Gays To Blame

UPDATE: Rapture FAIL. But hey, you already knew that. The church that tried scaring the world into caring is now likely to go bankrupt.

Oh really? Family Radio President Harold Camping is all “the sky is falling!” about the world coming to an end on May 21 of this year. Heck, of this week, even. So get your affairs in order!

The reason for the planet’s demise? Oh, the usual. God’s wrath, shoddy Biblical mathematics, and gay people, Gay People, GAY PEOPLE.

He’s a nutjob for sure, but his nonsense is absolutely worth a moment of your time. Christiansanity is fascinating, y’all!

SFGate was also kind enough to prepare a Rapture Q&A for all of you sinners who want to know how it’s going to go down on Saturday. Some of the greatest hits:

Q: Who gets to ascend to heaven?
A: Those who accept Christ as the messiah. Even Jews are invited, says Camping, but only if they accept Christ – which would seem to make them no longer Jewish.

Q: How many will be Raptured?
A: Campbell estimates 200 million. The remaining nearly 7 billion face a grisly fate – crushed in the quake, burned by sulfur, turned into pillars of salt, etc.

Q: Why May 21?
A: Camping calculates May 21 is exactly 7,000 years from the date of the Noah’s Ark flood. In his book “Time Has an End,” Camping writes. “The year 391 B.C. is the year when the Old Testament was finished, and 2,011 + 391 – 1 = 2,401, or 7 x 7 x 7 x 7.” There you have it.

Q: Any other reason?
A: Yes. Gay Pride and same-sex marriage. Camping says God will punish America and the rest of the world for Gay Pride and same-sex marriages, just as Sodom and Gomorrah were punished with fire and brimstone in the Old Testament.

Q: Will the Earth end on May 21?
A: No. The Earth will stick around for a few more months of “chaos and awful suffering” before being obliterated Oct. 21.

Looks like you had better put on your dancing shoes. Shiz is about to go down!

Are YOU ready for the rapture?