CamSoda — the porn tech company that brought us teledidonic blowjobs, a pussy eating app and a virtual reality gas mask for smelling someone’s cyber-panties — has created a new novelty gimmick for fans of cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin — a Bitcoin sex toy! It’s a bluetooth remote control vibrator whose pulsations increase or decrease depending on a Bitcoin’s rising or falling market value.
Just insert the Lovense vibrator into your hole, link it up to Bitcast — an app that tracks the values of Bitcoin, Etherum and Litecoin through a cryptocurrency exchange website called Bitstamp — choose your preferred cryptocurrency and then prepare for some multi-speed tinging as the volatile currency rapidly rises and falls in value.
When the Bitcoin rises in value, the vibration increases, when it lowers, it decreases. When we started writing this article, a single Bitcoin was worth $14,000. One hour later, it’s worth $13,970.40. Wooooo! Isn’t economics fun?
Daryn Parker, vice president of CamSoda, told vice.com, “Now, in addition to the euphoria investors receive from their investment starting to take off, they’ll be able to simultaneously get off. Tracking your investment has never been more fun.”
The Bitcoin sex toy is just the tip of what’s interesting about cryptocurrency
It’s kind of weird to think of people basing their orgasms off of a virtual economic market — almost super-villainesque, like a horny digital-age Scrooge (Screw-ge?) pleasuring his b-hole with a vibrating cyber-bulb while netizens slave away in the digital mines of Mt. Gox, the world’s largest Bitcoin exchange.
But the cyptocurrencies themselves may prove the most stimulating thing of all. Ripple just overtook Etherum as the world’s second largest cryptocurrency, the investment banking giant Goldman Sachs just announced that it will soon have its own cryptocurrency trading desk and white-supremacist punching bag Richard Spencer has declared Bitcoin “the currency of the alt-right” as hateful extremists increasingly use it to influence mainstream politics.