Satan Wants You to Be Gay and Masturbate, Says This Hilariously Creepy Jehovah’s Witness Video
The door-knocking Christian sect known as the Jehovah’s Witnesses would like to talk to you about masturbation (namely, how to avoid it), and they’ve sent creepy “Governing Body helpers” Ralph Walls and Gary Breaux to talk to you about it in a slow, measured and homophobic way. This Jehovah’s Witness masturbation video is both hilarious and sadly real.
Lloyd Evans — a former Jehovah’s Witness turned documentary filmmaker and activist who is currently working on a project about the sect’s “indoctrination” — has edited a short satirical version of two videos currently being used by the religious sect to warn its believers about the dangers of masturbation (or, as Walls calls it, “the unclean habit of self-abuse”).
In the videos, Walls encourages women to avoid clothing which may sexually excite men. Breaux warns men about the same thing, adding that “Some outfits are designed to feminize a man’s appearance, as homosexuals try to do, especially displaying the buttocks and genitals.” Breaux also warns men against sleeping with a pillow or blanket between their legs, lest they become sexually aroused.
In response, Evans and other former Jehovah’s Witnesses are referring to the anti-masturbation videos as Pillowgate.
Here is Evans’ Jehovah’s Witness masturbation video:
Breaux adds, “It’s no exaggeration to say that [Satan] has flooded his world with propaganda in favor of homosexuality” and goes on to talk about men sitting on each other’s laps or masturbating in front of each other.
Evans says that the videos were created for believers who live in church-owned worldwide properties known as as “bethel.” People who live in bethel are the most adherent to the faith, leading Evans to write, “Imagine what must have been happening at bethel to make this video necessary.”
In a two-hour “rebuttal” video (above), Evans states that the church likely didn’t intend for these videos ever to be made public, which is odd seeing as what’s good for the bethelites must also apply to other believers.
Pornography and homosexuality aren’t allowed at bethel and, Evans adds, this video wouldn’t be necessary unless there are repressed homosexuals at bethel, which there totally are.