Be the Best Queer Sexual Deviant You Can Be in Los Angeles

Los Angeles is not like any other city I have lived in or visited. I’m originally a New Yorker, and at 30 I moved to L.A.

I always say that L.A. can be one of the worst cities to visit but one of the best cities to live in. That’s because, unlike New York or London or San Francisco, L.A. is not laid out for you. It’s not easily accessible. The city is like a secret urban fairy tale hidden behind stunning beaches and mountains and endless blue skies, contrasted by a sometimes-ugly, sometimes-gorgeous urban sprawl of stucco and post-modern apartment buildings and strange villas and tiny bungalows and edgy artists’ lofts. L.A. is a city that must be unlocked before it can be experienced, but once you find the way in, I think it’s one of the most amazing, magical places in the whole world.

And if you’re looking to have sex with some of the most beautiful men in the world, then L.A. is definitely your city.

Los Angeles is a city of afterhours underground parties; wild, sex-driven house parties; cruising bars; pop-up orgies; and some of the most liberal attitudes toward a sex-positive lifestyle in the world. L.A. is pushing the boundaries of how to fuck, who to fuck, gender, fetish and the structures of relationships.

Before embarking on any sexy adventures in L.A., you should make a stop at popular Silver Lake outlet Rough Trade for all your leather, gear and supplies. It’s your basic one-stop shop for lube, leather, dildos, cute underwear and jock straps — basically everything you need for fun in Los Angeles. The best thing about Rough Trade is its queer-friendly staff, who are always available to make recommendations of the lube or toys best for your needs.

For many, Los Angeles sex is a mixed bag of parties, cruising spots and places to go and just fuck and hang out with friends. But I will always be a fan of the strange and weird house parties that happen all over L.A. Some of these are small gatherings with friends and a select group of invitees, but they’re also growing into events held in large public spaces that sell members-only tickets and host a wide selection of the city’s hottest men. You’ll find themed Super Bowl Sunday parties and Halloween Parties and giant New Year’s Eve parties that happen in villas in Silver Lake or in Downtown lofts or in strange, rambling backyards in Echo Park that have been turned into sexy fetish-style wonderlands.

Sexy house parties can be dirty and sexy and sleazy (in the best way possible), but there’s also a friendly, local vibe to them. Men come to fuck and live out some of their wilder fetishes, but they also come to have a few beers and make new friends.  

Often for the price of entry, usually around $25, you’ll get an open bar, snacks, coat/clothes check and a wild sex party hosted in one of L.A.’s many mansions or quirky homes. Ask any local about these parties. They happen with some regularity and are worth checking out.

If you’re looking for a straight-up sex party in a club-like atmosphere, check out DenLA. For the price of entry you get great DJs, an open bar, coat check, multiple rooms to explore (ideal for getting naked and fucking up a storm!) and a great dance floor for hanging out and meeing new guys before disappearing back into the sling room.   

While DenLA is a men-only party, it works hard to create a safe space for a diverse crowd. As in much of the city’s nightlife and sex scenes, there’s a breakdown in labels, which means “Bear Only” or “Muscle Only” parties are slowly becoming extinct, so expect a diverse and fun crowd.

There’s also no shortage of queer bars in L.A., but if you’re looking for something sexy and friendly and laid-back but still with a dirty, edgy feel, I strongly suggest the Eagle. While it’s known for being a leather bar, L.A.’s Eagle has a vibrant queer approach to its parties. You’ll definitely find some of the city’s best leather events, but you’ll also find parties serving up sexy boys, outrageous costumes and perfectly curated DJ sets. The bar often finds that perfect balance between glamour and dirty sex that makes for a great night.

In L.A.’s other gayborhood, West Hollywood, Fubar offers up sleazy, sexy fun, too. Thursday night’s Big Fat Dick is the country’s longest-running weekly gay party, and it’s notorious for its photo competition, during which guys (and some girls, too) head to the back office, drop their pants and have a picture snapped of their cock and balls. At the end of the night all the pics end up on a clothesline in the middle of the bar for the audience to vote on a winner. You’d be hard-pressed to find more fun-seeking sluts anywhere in Los Angeles than at this party (the brainchild of L.A.’s King of Raunchy Parties, Mario Diaz), and every week the bar is packed.

When it comes to Los Angeles sex, I don’t think the city does bathhouses and sex clubs particularly well, but you have three main options. 

Depending on the night and the time, you’re bound to encounter a great mix of L.A. East Siders at Slammer. You can wander this dark, maze-like club and fuck and suck and piss and do just about anything you want here. Another East Side club is Flex, which is a bathhouse featuring a spa, pool, gym and plenty of public and private places to fuck.

The Zone is West Hollywood’s big sex club. There’s a bullpen, blow job rooms, orgy spaces and mazes to get lost in. If you’re looking to get in and get off with a sexy guy or five, then get out, these are some great options for you.

Los Angeles has a wide assortment of all-day and late-night Korean spas that aren’t bathhouses but still have a sexy feel to them. Century Day and Night Spa is a hangout of some of the city’s sexiest men, and while it’s not a sex club by any means, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have some of the cruisiest, sexiest saunas and steam rooms around.

You can work out at its super-modern gym, get an amazing massage or spa treatment, hang out in the Jacuzzi and sauna, even eat something at the on-site restaurant. You’ll find a men-only spa section as well as a co-ed area upstairs.

Los Angeles has some of the best, sexiest, superstar DJ-heavy queer afterhours parties I’ve ever experienced. These (often technically illegal) parties are thrown in warehouses tucked away in Downtown L.A., with super tight door curation and security, and they’re not always easy to find. (Your best bet is to head to Eagle L.A., Akbar or Precinct and ask around about the night’s afterhours party options.)

L.A. is super friendly, and we want you to come party with us, but if you do find your way into one of these weekly late-night parties, the key is respect. Afterhours parties are for people looking to explore the boundaries of what is allowed, and L.A. will welcome you into the experiment as long as you practice openness and tolerance.  

One of my favorite queer-friendly afterhours parties is Lights Down Low, thrown by Richie Panic and Corey Sizemore. Just because it’s not designated as a “queer party” doesn’t mean you won’t find tons of sexy queer boys and girls dancing and partying all night long. It has a super sex-positive approach to parties, and I’ve seen plenty of sexy adventures, both queer and straight, happening in the party’s dark corners.

In a City like Los Angeles all you have to do is open up a gay app to see that less than 500 feet from you are countless sexy, horny, willing guys. If you’re just looking for that quick, no-strings-attached experience, go for it, but L.A. has more to offer. You can dance and fuck and party all night long in this city, you can explore your boundaries and fantasies, try on new fetishes, or just kick it with some sexy dude and make out while a DJ takes you to new heights.

There’s no limit to what is possible in Los Angeles, or to what is allowed. If you give yourself over to this city, with its over-the-top optimism and refusal to be defined by any other city’s definitions, you’ll find yourself amazed at the possibilities. So be brave and jump into the L.A. wildness. If you feel lost and don’t know where to go besides Disney, the Hollywood Walk of Fame or some other mind-numbing tourist traps, find a local queer person and ask about their favorite bar, the city’s best nightlife experience or the best place to get laid. Los Angeles will welcome your courage and reward your desire to experience all it has to offer.

Do you have any frisky Los Angeles sex adventures of your own? Ready to book your flight there?

This article was originally published on Feb. 4, 2018