Masterpiece Cakeshop’s Yelp Page Is Being Flooded By Hilarious 1-Star Reviews
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Masterpiece Cakeshop, the Colorado bakery at the heart of today’s Supreme Court ruling, has become infamous for its homophobic owner who refused to sell a gay couple a wedding cake. As a result of today’s press about the bakery’s Supreme Court victory, many people are leaving one-star reviews on the Masterpiece Cakeshop Yelp page.
Yelp, the crowd-sourced review site, has a policy of monitoring a business’ page whenever they become the object of press attention. So it’s unlikely that many of these reviews (below), most of which were added today, will remain on their page for long, but here are the most eyebrow-raising ones all the same.
Most of the reviews on the Masterpiece Cakeshop Yelp page mock the baker’s anti-gay views:
David H. wrote, “If you’re considering buying a cake (or anything) from here, think again. The shop is overpriced, and the cakes are dry, the flavors unpleasant and the decorations lifeless, similar to the owner’s heart.”
Grace K. From Oakland, California wrote, “They do a really great job of balancing the prejudice with the discrimination — you know, sometimes you get too much of one or the other, but here they pile on BOTH! What a deal. Mmm, tastes like fresh hot bigotry. If you’re not looking to buy hatred sweets, go elsewhere.”
Lori G. from Bonner, Montana wrote, “Our lives hold few precious moments. Why entrust them to hateful folks who want to tell you how to celebrate those precious moments? I’d just avoid this like the plague unless you want a KKKake…”
Daniel M. of New York, New York wrote, “An imaginary person named Jesus once said, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.’ Some people started a religion based on this and some other nice stuff they heard he said. The owners of Masterpiece Cakeshop believe Jesus was real, but decided that the stuff he said wasn’t really true, and instead chose to hate some of their neighbors.”
Greg C. from Denver, Colorado wrote, “There seems to be a problem with the website for this bakery: It says ‘welcome’ on it. It should say something more accurate like, ‘Welcome straight people only.’”
Two reviews on the Masterpiece Cakeshop Yelp page involve humping cakes and using cupcakes for lesbian devil worship:
Patrick C. from Chicago, Illinois wrote, “Finally, a bakery where you can have your cake and penetrate it too. These family friendly folks sell the softest cakes around, and friends, it is a true pleasure to have sex with them. Don’t worry, buddies, they let you name your cake (only girl names of course), and they will even decorate the cake with your desired name. Five stars. Can’t recommend porkin’ these cakes enough!”
IN what’s probably our favorite review (and the most bizarre, by far), Jess M. From Coquitlam, Canada wrote, “Several months ago, I bought some cupcakes from here and brought them home to my lesbian lover. She was seated, as per usual, in the center on a pentagram we’ve emblazoned on our hardwood floors in goat blood, and smiled in delight when she saw I came bearing such a sweet, sugary bounty. We incorporated the cupcakes into our hour-long ritualistic worship of Satan and then held each other in romantic homosexual embrace. The cupcakes were so meaningfully integrated to our practice of lesbianic Satan worshipping that, between my girlfriend and me, we now refer to them as occult-cakes. Highly recommend everyone do the same — just don’t tell anyone at the shop what you’re using them for.”
And then there’s also this review: