This Dad Enlisted Reddit’s Help on How to Support His Closeted Son
Coming out isn’t particularly easy for anyone. Being outed when you aren’t ready — that’s a nightmare. But what happens in accidental situations or scenarios outside of your control? One thoughtful, concerned dad took to Reddit’s AskGayMen to find out how to talk to his (potentially) gay son.
u/TheTruthfinder44663 asked: How do I confront my son about seeing him kissing a boy?
“Yesterday I drove through the village I live in in my car like everyday but this time it was a bit earlier. when I drove through the center I saw my son (16) kissing his “best friend”. I didn’t tell my wife because she will probably hate him because of it but how could I? I really love him he’s my son after all and I don’t mind him being gay. My question is how can I help him when he comes out and should I tell him to hold it back with his mom?”
As always, the Redditors of AskGayMen did not disappoint.
The consensus was this: Don’t. Many of the responses agreed that confrontation is never an option, and that we have to give our loved ones time to make that decision on their own.
u/e_c_verra2 offered this great advice: “If he hasn’t told you, don’t confront him. Let him come to you about it. But do start a conversation about gay people and your thoughts about them at a household gathering. In addition to that, confront people who say homophobic things or at the very least say you disagree and explain your position. This will show your son that he doesn’t have to be afraid of talking about these kinds of things with you.”
u/jays0n93 added: “You don’t have to confront. Just make sure he knows he’s loved. Just all the time. Be supportive and always offer to listen. Say you’re always there for him no matter what. He’ll come to you in his own time, but only when he feels safe. So make sure he feels safe.
For your wife, maybe just start dropping things in [about] how much you’re proud of him. For the little things. Remind of her of all the things that make him who he is, so this one thing doesn’t define him in her eyes.
I told my family when I felt safe, AKA when I could take off if they didn’t accept it with little to no risk to my future. And what made me happy was they didn’t let it define me. Being gay is a part of my life. Not my whole life.”
Other users simply logged on to express their appreciation for this dad, writing “Such a wholesome dad,” “This is so wholesome and I’m here for it,” and “I love this.”
Do you have any advice for this well-meaning dad that he might not have gotten from Reddit’s AskGayMen?
This article was originally published on December 20, 2020. It has since been updated.