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I recently stumbled upon a roundup of 25 “first gay experiences” of straight men, and I couldn’t help but marvel at how totally, utterly … normal they are.
These stories of non-gay guys’ “first gay experiences” are also a sparkling clear reminder that a person’s sexuality is hardly ever “straight” or “gay.” Way back in the late 1940s, noted professor and sexologist Alfred Kinsey spoke about his “Kinsey Scale” in Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. The scale ranges from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual), and everyone falls somewhere on it.
The site GuyCounseling claims it reached out to its community of users and asked its non-gay users to share stories of their “first gay experiences.” Below we single out 10 of our favorites. (Check out all 25 stories here.) Are they the real deal or just make-believe? Not sure. But regardless of that, they’re still a great reminder that you can add “human sexuality” to a list of things that simply aren’t black or white.
1. Nick, 38, who identifies as a “straight male”
I was 21 years old and spent most of the summer working construction to make extra money for college. On the job, I got to know one of the guys [Mike] who was a little older than me. Like 25?
One Friday after work, a group of us stopped by a local watering hole to tie a few on. At the end of the night, Mike invited me back to his place to chill.
I don’t remember all of the details, but we ended up watching a movie and firing up some 420. The next thing I knew, we were going down on each other.
It only happened once, and we never talked about it again.
2. Rick, 32, who identifies as a “heterosexual man”
I’ve always been attracted to women, never had an experience with another guy — although I had thought about it. But that changed during my time in bootcamp after joining the Marines.
There was a guy who was about my age (22) who I was strangely attracted to. Not sure if it was his build or what, but I just I just know that I liked him.
Just before graduation, we ended up hooking up off-base. Not sure how to explain the dynamics. Yeah, we had been drinking but we weren’t sloshed. What’s weird is that we ended up doing it two more times. I’m married now and so is he. We’re still friends on Facebook.
3. Chris, 37, a married straight guy
It was a few days just before Thanksgiving and everyone had left campus to go home for the holiday, except for me and two other guys staying in the dorms.
Feeling bored, the three of us decided to hang out in my room and play poker. One of the two dudes was out on campus. He offered to go down on me and the other guy as a bet. We thought he was joking but found out later he wasn’t.
Yep, he made good on his wager.
It was the first time I had ever experienced something with another guy. It was also my last but I don’t regret it.
4. Ken, 34, who says he’s straight
When I was 25 years old, I took my little brothers on a camping trip to the northern woods of Wisconsin. We had been making the trek from Chicago for years, but after our dad passed away we decided to keep the tradition going.
While we were staying at a state campground, one of the park rangers came by our camping area to warn us of pending severe weather. I think the guy was around 30 years old?
We started talking, and I got the sense he was interested in me. I’ve never been attracted to other men, but there was just something about him that I liked. Hard to explain. Maybe it was his cologne?
Just before we left, he stopped by our camp and said he’d be visiting Chicago the next weekend. When I gave him my number, I knew exactly what I was doing.
Sure enough, when he arrived in town, he called. I ended up going to his hotel and we ended up getting it on. Nothing serious. He went down on me and I tried doing the same but wasn’t very good at it.
After that happened, I never heard from him again. Does this mean I’m gay? I don’t think so. I think labels do more harm than good.
5. Pedro, 32, who is married with kids
I’m a building security guard on the East Coast. Two years ago, another guy who was my age was put on the night shift. When you work that shift, it’s very quiet. To pass time, we made small talk and gossiped about people in the building.
One weekend around 2 or 3 in the morning, we were super bored and started talking about our hookup experiences. I don’t know what happened, but it must have gotten us both horned.
We ended up swapping head in a utility room. It happened a few more times that summer — to the point where all one of us would have to do is say ‘utility room’ and the other guy knew what time it was.
When summer was over, he got transferred to another building. Not going to say I didn’t enjoy it and I know he liked it, too.
6. Ronnie, 39, who’s “living the straight life”
When I was in college, I played football. Not that I was anything to talk about because I mostly sat on the bench. But there was a first-string dude that I was buddies with where things used to happen.
It was never like we planned it or anything. Sometimes he’d pass by [my dorm room] and say hello. One time, he showed up to shoot the shit — you know, like to hang out.
I remember telling him my shoulder was messed up from a bad play and he offered to massage it to relax the muscle. That’s when I felt his stiffy against me through his sweats.
After that, the rest is history. We ended up messing around. Over the course of a year, it happened a few times. The dude is married now and so am I. To me, it doesn’t mean you are gay if you experiment.
7. Frank, 28, who says he’s “pretty much straight”
When I was back in high school, I dated this girl from my neighborhood. She had a brother who was the same age as me and we became friends.
One time while we were hanging out, he shared with me that he was bi. He asked me if I had ever been with another guy and I told him the truth — never.
Don’t ask me why but we started fooling around. I guess there was a part of me that was curious. The weird thing is the girl and I never messed around — not even once.
I don’t consider myself gay or even bi. Back then, I think I was just figuring things out and he was somebody to do that with.
8. Nick, 33, who says he’s “hetero”
When I was 19 years old, I worked at a hotel as a bellman. Frequently, male guests had me bring up their luggage. At least five times I ended up staying a little extra. It was always for a big tip. The best part was I didn’t have to do anything except pull my pants down and let them do their thing.
When you are young and broke, you’ll do anything for money. I’m married now with kids and don’t consider myself gay.
9. Bobby, 33, a straight male
When I was 19, I used to play ball in our neighborhood league. A lot of the guys did because there wasn’t anything else going on in the suburbs.
There was this one guy I used to get with after practice. It just sort of happened. The weird thing is we never talked about it. From time to time, we would end up in my garage when my parents weren’t home and mess around. We were both curious I guess.
10. Curtis, 39, a “hetero male”
I never really did something with another guy, but I did use to watch two dudes I served with [in the military] mess around in the woods.
They always thought they were being private, but I would see them doing things a lot. The fact that I watched tells you something.