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I couldn’t tell you the number of gay friends I have who date guys who are the literal worst. Like, if you looked up the word “worst” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of the guy they’re dating. Then they go through a brutal breakup, and my friend starts dating a new guy. Then Webster’s Dictionary has to go and make a new edition, because they need to update their “worst” definition with a new photo.
So my friend then comes to me, asking for advice, perplexed that this always happens to him. Nuh-uh. Don’t go around pretending like these things are completely out of your control. If you date one guy who turns out to be a prick, fine. It happens. Two guys, sure. But when you’re dating guy after guy, all of whom are the worst, you have to accept the fact that you — yes you — are the one to blame, not these other guys. You’re falling for the same bullshit time and time again.
So it’s time we had a chat. A good ol’ fashioned ‘come to Jesus’ talk, if you will. And yes, you will.
Here’s how you stop dating guys who are pieces of human trash.
1. Stop falling in love with every hot guy who gives you attention.
I get it. Most pretty guys are jerks who don’t give you the time of day. So when one cute guy does seem interested, you immediately fall head-over-heels in love. You need to calm down. Most people are smart enough to act kindly and politely when you meet them, even if they’re not. It takes time for some guys to reveal their true colors. So take a chill pill, and cool it.
2. Stop fawning over hot guys.
While we’re on the topic, stop being obsessed with how guys look. Hot guys are a dime a dozen, especially in the gay community. A gay man who’s mature enough to discuss his emotions, isn’t threatened by other guys and isn’t self-absorbed — now that’s hard to find. That’s a real panty-dropper right there.
3. Stop falling for his excuses.
Actions speak louder than words. If he keeps doing shitty things, stop dating him. A hard list of examples includes:
– He repeatedly gets too drunk but then always has a justification why. (It was a friend’s birthday. It was Halloween. I hadn’t had a drink in a while, so my tolerance went down.) One of these reasons is fine once in a while. Every time? No.
– Cheating. I’m probably more lenient towards cheaters than most guys. I think there are times when it’s OK to cheat, and I acknowledge that sometimes we make mistakes. But if he’s constantly cheating, for the love of God, have some self-respect and dump his ass.
– Canceling on you. Again, a few times are fine. All the time? There’s no excuse for every time.
– Grumpiness. (I had a rough day at work. My friend was being mean to me.) When you first met him, he never seemed grumpy. Now there’s hardly a time when he’s not in a foul mood. But wait, there’s a reason. Obviously. There are always reasons, but grown-ass people don’t take out their bad day on their partners, who they supposedly love.
4. Stop needing a man
This is a cliché because it’s so true. Learn to be single. Dating takes patience. You should not automatically date the first person you lay your eyes on. Nobody wants to die alone, but you can’t throw yourself at every single guy you meet just because you hate spending time by yourself. Learn to love yourself. Yes, it’s corny as all hell, but seriously, get to know yourself better. If you find yourself dating a guy for two months, breaking up, only to date a different guy a week later (for yet another whopping eight weeks), you need to sit your ass down and watch some Netflix alone.
5. Listen to your friends
Your friends know you well. They know you when you’re on your bullshit and when you’re off it. They can tell when you’re lying to yourself. They have your best interest in heart. (Unlike the guys you are dating.) So listen to them when they tell you why they aren’t thrilled about your new boyfriend. If you have a history of dating human piles of burning rubber, then you should be listening to your friends even more.
Start with this and then hopefully — hopefully — you will stop dating guys who are total garbage. If after all this, you still happen to be dating the worst boys, please, for the love of God, don’t complain about it. On behalf of all your gay besties, we are tired of your denial. Let’s pull up our big boy pants, and be grown-ass men about this.
What do you say?
Featured image by kobzev3179 via iStock